


I'm not tryna start a fire with this flame

by truly_madly_deeply



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Kisses and Cuddles, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Injuries, Mutual Pining, References to Friends (TV), Teasing, There is no straight member of One Direction, This is a Shiall fic, With a tiny bit of side Larry and Ziam, because let's face it, old married couple banter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-10-03 20:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17290955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truly_madly_deeply/pseuds/truly_madly_deeply
Summary: “Let me see that!” Shawn commands without even pulling him in a for a hug. Niall, feeling slightly offended by that, hugs him anyway, because he deserves that, okay?“It’s no big deal,“ he says as carefree as possible, eventually forcing himself to let go and taking a step back. Hugging Shawn feels way too good and he kind of wishes he could do that every day … 24/7, to be honest.“No big deal?” Shawn echoes with wide brown eyes. “You stabbed your own hand with a fucking knife, man!”Or, the one where Niall needs stitches, Shawn gets a little bit nervous, and they both keep teasing each other with no mercy, because simply admitting their feelings just isn’t in their blood.





	1. And my heart started to race ...

**Author's Note:**

> Two months ago, I was desperately looking for some inspiration to finally write a cute little Shiall fic - because let’s face it, these two boys are just too adorable together. So when I accidentally stabbed my own hand while making dinner and had to deal with an injured hand for weeks, the idea for this very story was born. It’s not even finished yet (because whenever I try to write a short story, it turns into a multi-chaptered, gigantic mess for some reason), but I just couldn’t wait any longer to share it with you guys. So, here it is. I hope you’ll enjoy it!
> 
> Just to let you know, the main characters are definitely Niall and Shawn, and most of the time it will only be them. The other boys will start making their appearances in chapter 8. I have added Louis/Harry and Liam/Zayn as side pairings, although those parts will be really minor.
> 
> The story title is from Shawn's song "Roses". None of the lyrics I use in this fic are mine. And, of course, this is all fiction and none of the characters mentioned belong to me but only to themselves. (And to each other, obviously. ;D)
> 
> Last but not least, a big thank you to [Kachina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kachina/pseuds/Kachina) for once again being the first one to read this and helping me to get through yet another obsession. ;) xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter is from Shawn's song "Nervous".

“I can’t believe you did that,” is the first thing Niall hears when he opens the door of his London home. Honestly, he doesn’t know how to respond to that, because he can’t quite believe it either.

“Great to see you, too,” he eventually says with a grin that doesn’t feel as natural as it usually does around his handsome Canadian friend. Then he immediately cringes, because bloody hell, _handsome_ is not supposed to be the first thing his brain comes up with in this situation.

It’s not like that hasn’t happened before. In fact, it’s always the first thing that comes to his mind when he finally meets Shawn again after months of not seeing him. The real problem here is that it’s getting harder to ignore it, and Niall is actually scared by the thought that eventually he might just blurt it out, right into Shawn’s face.

He could probably get away with it though by laughing afterwards and making some stupid joke about Shawn’s ridiculous height, like he’s done about a hundred times by now. Shawn would laugh, too, and tease him back with a comment about golf being a sport for old men, and then they would fall into their usual routine of harmless friendly-flirty banter. It’s always like that, always so easy to be around Shawn, and Niall has to admit that he enjoys it more than he probably should.

It’s just ... Shawn is a great guy, incredibly down to earth despite all his fame and success, and Niall just loves hanging out with him. It’s not easy for him to find friends like that in the music industry - of course there are exceptions, and he could swear that Shawn is (literally) the biggest of them all.

“Let me see that!” Shawn commands without even pulling him in a for a hug. Niall, feeling slightly offended by that, hugs him anyway, because he _deserves_ that, okay?

“It’s no big deal,“ he says as carefree as possible, eventually forcing himself to let go and taking a step back. Hugging Shawn feels way too good and he kind of wishes he could do that every day … 24/7, to be honest.

“No big deal?” Shawn echoes with wide brown eyes. “You stabbed your own hand with a fucking knife, man!”

Niall finds himself a bit shocked at his outburst, to be honest. Shawn is usually such a sweet and relaxed guy - maybe not as innocent as he used to be, but one would still not expect him to raise his voice like that. Especially not at his friends. Niall has seen him in various states of emotion, but he simply can’t recall something like this.

“It will heal, Shawnie,” he tries to calm him down, smiling at him reassuringly. “I told you on the phone already, they took good care of me at the hospital. Really, nothing to worry about.”

“You’re never picking up a knife again,” Shawn says, ignoring his explanations completely. Then he seems to realise that he is still standing in the open doorway and finally picks up his bag and guitar case and steps inside, closing the door afterwards and taking Niall’s left hand - the one that’s not tightly wrapped up in a bandage - into his own.

Niall blushes furiously. This whole thing is getting ridiculous - Shawn catching a plane to London three days before he’s supposed to be playing at the charity event here, and now acting all weird around him, like he’s faced death or something. He hasn’t. Sure, he’s been incredibly lucky that he’s still got both hands and will be able to play guitar again after the healing process, but Shawn is definitely overreacting. Right?

“You’re overreacting, you know,” he mumbles while trying his best not to think about how good his hand feels in Shawn’s bigger one. “Besides, it could’ve happened to anyone.”

Shawn gives him a look that Niall has _never_ seen on his face before. “I’m not overreacting. I’m just … I was worried about you,” he blurts out and Niall almost misses the light blush that’s forming on his cheeks. “I mean, what else do you expect?” he adds quickly. “That knife went right through your hand! You’ve got stitches on both sides, right?“

Niall has to suppress the sudden urge to make a stupid joke involving Shawn’s song lyrics. That wouldn’t be helpful at all, would it? “Yeah, that’s true, but I missed everything important inside my hand. No nerves or arteries or whatever were injured, I’m going to be okay! Please, just calm down, alright?”

He really hopes Shawn will let it go so they can have a couple fun days together before the younger boy has to leave the city again. He would never forgive himself for messing this up just because he has been stupid enough to cut his hand instead of the food during dinner preparations two days ago. He is also not going to share any details about said dinner with his friend. Never in a million years.

Shawn still doesn’t look totally convinced but eventually nods. “Okay, you’re right. I’m just really glad that nothing worse happened.” He is curving his lips into a small smile now and Niall immediately feels relieved.

“And I’m glad you’re here, it’s good to see you again,” he replies honestly. “It was really nice of you to catch an earlier plane. You know that you didn’t have to do that though, right? I mean, I have everything under control. Just can’t do any cleaning around the house for a while, but it’s not like I’ve done it much before.”

Shawn laughs at that, which is exactly what Niall has hoped for. “Can’t exactly imagine you sweeping the floors, to be honest.”

“Now that’s not fair,” Niall says with a fake pout. “I’ll have you know that I’ve got many hidden talents.”

“Really?” Shawn doesn’t look impressed in the slightest. “What would that be? Slicing your hands open with a knife?”

Niall rolls his eyes at him and immediately wants to curse himself because he has a feeling that he has looked at him way too fondly while doing it. “Shut up, Mendes.”

“Charming,“ Shawn says with a grin that has Niall‘s heart beat a little faster in his chest than usual. “Now, let me get rid of my bag and take a quick shower, and then I’m all yours.“

“Can’t wait,” Niall doesn’t manage to not say out loud, and because he absolutely refuses to let things get awkward afterwards, he adds one of his trademark laughs.

Shawn laughs, too, and is about to march towards the stairs that lead to the upper floor when he finally seems to notice that he’s still holding Niall’s hand. However, instead of hastily pulling back and looking at least a little embarrassed, like Niall would kind of expect him to, he simply laughs one more time before giving Niall’s hand a gentle squeeze, all while the cutest smile _ever_ is playing on his lips.

“See you in a bit. Don’t touch anything from your kitchen drawers, it will obviously go horribly wrong,” he teases and Niall feels like he might have a heart attack any minute because Shawn is still smiling like an idiot, even as he pulls back his hand and walks towards the stairs with his bag slung over his fucking broad shoulders that Niall could stare at all day long.

“Shit,” he murmurs when Shawn has been gone for at least two and a half minutes and Niall finally realises that he is still standing in the hallway, trying not to drool onto the carpet beneath his feet. “Inviting him to stay here was the fucking worst idea I’ve ever had.”

What has he been thinking? Sure, they’re friends and it’s not like Shawn hasn’t stayed at his house before - because he has, twice here in London and several times in LA. And it makes sense, Niall offering Shawn his guest room whenever he’s in his London home during the Canadian boy’s visits to the UK, because that’s what friends do, right? Besides, he knows Shawn likes it better than staying at a hotel room all by himself, because he has _told_ him on more than just one occasion.

And it’s cool. They’re cool. At least that’s what Niall used to think, but that was before Shawn fucking Mendes decided to hop on a plane two days earlier than planned, just because one of his friends got a bit hurt. And it’s not like Niall is _dying_ or anything, aside from the occasional pain he is _fine_.

It fucks him up, the way Shawn has been reacting to this situation. It’s something he really wants to think about but probably really shouldn’t.

“Hey,” he says twenty minutes later, definitely not staring at Shawn’s still slightly damp hair or the way the enviable pieces of black fabric are tightly hugging Shawn’s ridiculously hot body. ”Are you hungry? We could order a pizza or something.”

Shawn plops down next to him on the couch with a wide smile. He is so, so beautiful and Niall is _suffering_. “Sure, pizza sounds great. And how about we order some dessert as well?”

Niall shoots up from the couch and practically runs off to the kitchen, where he stores the menus of all his favourite restaurants that also deliver. He is well aware that his attempt to get away from Shawn for a couple more minutes must look completely stupid, but he simply needs a moment to remind himself how to breathe properly. Besides, Shawn’s probably just going to think that Niall is really looking forward to get some food.

He pulls open the drawer with the menus and has to fumble a bit until he finds the ones he’s been looking for. Being able to use only one hand sucks, he knows that now - he couldn’t even tie his own shoes when being released from the hospital the day before. Thank God one of his best friends was there to help him with his stuff and drive him home, but figuring out a daily routine that will work for the next few days hasn’t exactly been easy.

It’s a good thing Shawn is here now. Niall just has to make sure to not embarrass himself in front of him, which at some point he will definitely be doing anyway. Life’s just not fair, but who is he to complain?

“You alright there?” Shawn’s deep voice startles him so much that the stack of menus he’s just retrieved from the drawer slips right through his fingers and hits the floor. Great. So much for not making a fool of himself …

“Shit, um, I was just … trying to get those out of the drawer,” Niall explains while a hot blush is already creeping up his neck. “S’ not that easy with just one hand.”

Shawn practically jumps towards him, sending him a reassuring smile. Niall doesn’t think there’s anybody else on this fucking planet spending so much time of their life just _smiling at him_ , and it’s beginning to drive him absolutely crazy. The only thing he wants to do at this point is lunge forward and smash this stupid, adorable smile off of Shawn’s lips. With his own mouth.

“Hey, don’t worry, Niall, I’m here to help. Just tell me what to do, okay?” Before Niall can even come up with a response that doesn’t involve any of the unholy thoughts he’s having after hearing this _offer_ , he unexpectedly has to deal with an even bigger problem, because suddenly Shawn _fucking kneels down_ right in front of him, sending even more unholy thoughts straight to Niall’s lower brain.

“Um,” is all Niall says in a somewhat defeated voice, and then he bites his lips so hard that it actually hurts, just to prevent a small moan from slipping out of his mouth. Shawn is only doing this to pick up all the flyers that are scattered over the floor, _Niall knows that_ , okay? Unfortunately, his traitorous dick hasn’t been getting any action for ages and quite literally perks up at what seems like the perfect opportunity to get lucky.

“Don’t worry,” Shawn repeats his words from half a minute ago, looking up at him with what has to be the most innocent smile Niall has ever seen. „Nobody’s expecting you to do anything at the moment. Just relax, eh? I’ll be happy to do it for you.”

Oh fuck, now that’s not helpful _at all_. Niall, being torn between telling him to shut up already and urging him to keep the innuendos coming, kind of wishes the ground would open beneath him and swallow him whole … shit, wrong choice of words!

Thank God Shawn is busying himself with collecting the leaflets now. There might be a small possibility that he hasn’t seen how red Niall’s face is, but unfortunately it doesn’t change the fact that Niall’s thoughts are running wild at the sight of him being on his knees in front of him. He is so close to him … so bloody close, it would be so easy for Niall to just reach for the younger boy’s head, tangle his hands into the mess of damp brown hair and push his face right into his crotch …

And just like that, even the pair of worn-out joggers Niall has been wearing for the past two days feels way too tight. Fucking fantastic, he is sporting an erection in the middle of his bloody kitchen and can’t even do anything about it. He usually tries to be a grateful person, he really does, but right know he sort of hates his life.

“Um, Shawn. I’m gonna … go upstairs and change, I’ve been wearing these clothes for days now. Might take me a bit, uh, longer than usual,” Niall stutters while panic is beginning to rise in his chest. He needs to get out of here. Now.

“Okay,” Shawn says without hesitation. Niall hopes that he is as unaware of what’s going on as he seems to be. “Do you need any help upstairs?”

Niall chokes on air. Unfortunately, he does it very audibly, which causes Shawn to look at him seemingly confused. “No! No, I’m good, I’ll do it meself,” Niall hears himself blurt out a response that sounds way too panicked even to his own ears. “You could, uh. Order dinner in the meantime?” he adds quickly while already moving around his friend and towards the door. “Just choose anything you’d like, I don’t mind what it is.”

Then he all but runs upstairs and into his bedroom. He locks the door and pulls his joggers off of his legs as fast as he can with just one hand, double checking afterwards if the door is really locked, before finally lying down on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

“Shit,” he mumbles to himself, his cheeks hot and his left hand trembling. His right hand would too, if it wasn’t trapped in the tight bandage. He can’t believe he’s about to do this, about to _jerk off to his friend_ who is in the same house right now, but he doesn’t have a choice, does he? His hard-on isn’t going to go away anytime soon, not with that picture of Shawn on his knees still swirling through his mind. So. He has to get rid of the problem _somehow_.

To be fair, he does have the decency to at least make an attempt at willing it away by thinking about the unsexiest things his totally fucked up brain can come up with. It’s not working, though, and eventually he just gives in and starts to stroke his cock in a fast, desperate pace while trying not to make too many sounds that could be heard on the other side of the door.

Now that he needs to get this over with as quickly as possible, he finally doesn’t have to fight the urge to think of Shawn anymore. It’s not the first time he’s wanked while fantasizing about the other boy, and he always comes embarrassingly fast when he does it. This time is no exception - he’s picturing Shawn‘s head in his lap and his lips around his cock, sucking and licking and looking absolutely _sinful_ while doing so, and it takes him not even three minutes to reach his orgasm.

When he comes, he has to smash his own face into his pillows, because he just can’t stop himself from moaning Shawn’s name. Bloody hell, this was the fastest he’s come in _months_ , like he’s fucking fifteen again, and he hasn’t even been able to use his second hand to cup his balls or touch his nipples like he usually likes to do. It’s bad. So bad. Oh God, how is he supposed to go downstairs and pretend nothing happened? How is he supposed to even look at him without dying of embarrassment?

Still breathing heavily, he eventually gets off of the bed and makes his way over to his ensuite bathroom, locking this door behind himself as well out of pure paranoia. He knows that Shawn won’t be able to walk through the locked door of his bedroom, but it feels safer this way nonetheless. Fumbling around with one hand now, he gets out of his T-shirt and tosses it into the laundry basket before cleaning himself up with a washcloth. His joggers are still somewhere on his bedroom floor, but he doesn’t even care. All he does care about right now is how on earth he is supposed to survive these few days with Shawn under his roof.


	2. I get a little bit nervous around you ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back with the next chapter.  
> Thank you so much for your feedback and kudos, I appreciate it! Have fun with more Shiall! :D
> 
> As for the title of this chapter, it's obviously from Shawn's song "Nervous" (again^^).

When Niall returns to the living room a couple of minutes later, wearing a clean pair of underwear, black sweatpants and a green hoodie, it’s to the sight of Shawn sitting on the couch, his endlessly long legs stretched out and his feet propped up on the coffee table. Niall knows that he would never do that at any other friend’s house, but they both do it every time they’re at one of their homes together, and it’s actually quite nice to see how comfortable Shawn is around him. It’s like he belongs here, in this house, with Niall. Shit, he shouldn’t be thinking about that, it’s not helpful at all.

“Hi,” Shawn says with a bright smile on his stupid, sinful lips. Niall has to force himself to look away and not think about what those lips have been doing to him in his fantasies ten minutes ago. “Food should be here soon. I know we’ve talked about having pizza, but I figured you’d also be down for Nando’s instead?”

“I love you,” Niall almost blurts out. He does, he suddenly realises, he does love him, and it hits him like a ton of bricks. Fuck. He actually loves Shawn. Oh bloody hell, he is _in love with him_.

“Sounds good,” he chokes out, his eyes widening at the sudden realisation and his stomach doing double flips. “We could, um, watch a movie or something while we’re waiting?” He desperately needs to distract himself from his own thoughts, because they’re so fucking overwhelming to him that he feels like he’s about to cry.

“Sure,” Shawn replies, his smile never leaving his beautiful face. “Do you want me to get us some beers?”

On any other day, obviously Niall’s answer would have been yes, but not today. “I can’t, I’m still on antibiotics. Don’t want to mess that up.” Maybe it’s for the better. Alcohol and love revelations aren’t exactly a good combination, he assumes.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think of that.” Of fucking course Shawn has to apologise, being Canadian and just the single politest person on this entire planet in general. It’s ridiculously cute, and Niall wants to kiss him. God, he really, really wants to kiss him.

“You can have one, though,” he says instead of voicing that thought.

Shawn shakes his head no without hesitation. “Nah, I’m good, I’m not drinking without you. It’s no fun,” he grins adorably and then pats the space beside him, “C’mere, this couch feels really empty without you.”

Niall bites his lips while taking a few hesitant steps forward. He really shouldn’t be sitting this close to Shawn for an entire movie, but the younger boy keeps looking at him with something so pure in his big brown eyes, something that almost seems like some sort of expectation, and Niall is fucking weak. So he slips into the small space between Shawn’s body and the armrest of the couch, and not even ten seconds later he feels Shawn’s arm sneaking around him and pulling him even closer.

They’ve done this before. It’s totally cool, there’s no reason to panic. They both like to cuddle, so what? It’s not like they’re sitting on each other’s laps or holding hands or whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears ...

“Are you comfortable?” Shawn’s deep, soothing voice has Niall almost shudder. God, he loves this voice, loves the softness but also every single scratch in it. In fact, he could listen to it all day.

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “S’ good. I don’t like being alone so much lately.”

“Me neither,” Shawn says quietly, and Niall knows that. It’s one of the reasons why they spend so much time together whenever they can. They have such a great understanding and awareness of what the other one’s going through, they just get each other.

Niall kind of wants to scream in frustration. Here they are, huddled against each other like some loved up teenagers, even though for some reason they feel more like an old, still happily married couple to him. They’re neither of those things and maybe that’s the actual worst part of it.

“So,” he says after what feels like an eternity of silence, during which Shawn has been browsing through Netflix, and clears his throat, “what would you be doing at home right now? You didn’t cancel anything to come here earlier, did ya?”

He can feel Shawn flinch a little and shift around a bit, and for a couple of seconds he almost panics because _Shawn wouldn’t_ \- right?! But then Shawn lets out a quiet laugh and relaxes, and Niall calms down as soon as he hears his soft, steady voice, “No, of course not. I would’ve, uh, probably done some songwriting, but I can always do that next week. No big deal, man, don’t worry about it.”

Niall nods in relief. “Oh, good. Because if you’d cancelled anything important, that would’ve been pretty fucking stupid.”

“Yeah,” Shawn mumbles, clearing his throat and adding another laugh that sounds only slightly off.

Niall doesn’t miss it though and immediately feels sorry, so he glances up at him apologetically. “Not that writing isn’t important, that’s not what I meant. You could write here, if you want?” he offers quickly.

“Yeah, sure,” Shawn says, smiling again and tightening his arm around his shoulders. “We could do it together, that would be fun. How about tomorrow? Maybe we’ll even remember the lyrics afterwards this time.”

Niall can’t help but chuckle as he thinks of that one time they were actually working on a song together but were stupid enough to not write it down and get really drunk instead. Sometimes he still wonders how that song would have turned out. Maybe it would have been the next great hit, dammit. “We’re not drinking this time though,” he reminds Shawn, who finally seems to have chosen a movie now and presses play before dropping the remote back on the couch.

“Maybe when you don’t have to take your medicine anymore, then we can drink again,” the younger boy suggests, the smile on his lips turning into a small grin now. “How long until then?”

Niall coughs quietly. He is definitely not going to share any beers with Shawn anytime soon, nope. He can’t risk blurting out something he really shouldn’t tell him. “A couple more days. Now shut up, I wanna listen,” he mumbles back.

It’s not like he’s paying any attention to the screen though, and he doesn’t even realise that Shawn hasn’t picked a film but an episode of _Friends_ instead until they hear the bell at the front door.

“I’m getting the food, you stay here,” Niall commands while reluctantly squirming out of Shawn’s wonderful embrace. He grabs his wallet on his way out of the living room and bolts through the hallway as fast as possible, pulling the front door open and greeting Pete, the delivery guy who he sees at least once or twice a week when he’s staying at his London home.

“Hey buddy,” Pete, who’s actually from California, greets him with a wide grin. “Good to see you, here’s your - oh my God, what happened to your hand?”

Niall lets out a loud laugh. Pete is going to love this! “Stabbed it while making dinner, the knife went right through, got stitches on both sides. Oh, and there was blood everywhere.” That’s not exactly true, but oh well, he might as well exaggerate a bit.

“Oh my God!” Pete exclaims excitedly. Yes, he is a weird guy, but Niall likes him nonetheless. „Can I see it? Does it look as disgusting as it sounds?“

Niall just can’t stop himself from grinning. “Yes it does, and no, you can’t see it, I have to keep the bandage on. Now hand over the food, I’m starving.”

“Hand over. Ha ha, good one!” Pete laughs and takes a step through the door to place the boxes on top of the sideboard right next to where Niall is standing, and then respectfully steps back out. “There you go, and here’s the receipt.” Then, while Niall is fumbling the money out of his wallet, which isn’t an easy thing to do with just one hand and a tiny bit support from his right thumb, Pete suddenly asks, “Who’s here to help you around the house? Some former bandmates?”

Niall shakes his head, handing him the money and a generous tip as well. “No, none of the lads, sorry to disappoint ya. How did you know I’m not alone though?”

“Oh come on, someone’s gotta be here,” Pete says, pointing at the boxes stuffed with food. “Even for you this would be too much to eat for one night.”

“I’m not too sure about that,” Shawn’s slightly amused voice startles them both, and Niall’s face immediately turns a dark shade of red.

“Is that Shawn Mendes?” Pete asks, sounding not as surprised as Niall would have expected. Then again, Pete‘s always quite chill about the other famous people he occasionally sees at Niall‘s house. “Hey dude, so great to meet you, your music’s pretty good. Are you here to look after our favourite Irishman?”

“I am,” Shawn says while coming up behind Niall and slinging his left arm basically completely around Niall’s upper body, pulling him close against his chest. For some reason, this causes even more blood to rush up into Niall’s cheeks. Is it just him or does this gesture seem … slightly possessive? “Thanks man, I appreciate that. You’re a fan of Niall, too? I mean, his music,” and Niall definitely doesn’t miss how Shawn audibly clears his throat after that.

Pete’s just grinning at them - actually, no, scratch that, he is downright _smirking_. “Who isn’t? Now, I’ve gotta go, other people are waiting. Enjoy your meal - and Shawn? Please don’t let him use a knife.“

“You bet,” Shawn replies with a chuckle before pulling back his arm - Niall tries to not feel too disappointed by that - and turning around to get the boxes from the sideboard.

“See ya,” Niall says, clapping Pete on the shoulder with his left hand.

Pete leans towards him, still smirking. “You guys are so cute together,” he whispers, and before Niall can splutter out a response or blush even further, his favourite delivery guy is gone.

“He’s weird. Seems nice though,” Shawn states while they’re making their way back to the living room. Niall just feels so relieved that the younger boy is apparently completely unaware of Pete’s last comment, because _shit_ , that would have made things extremely awkward between them.

“He is,” Niall says, his face still embarrassingly red. He really wishes Pete would have kept his mouth shut, because it’s already beginning to mess with his head and Niall just can’t deal with it right now. He _knows_ that he and Shawn look good together, hell, even their fans know - because let’s be honest here, it’s not like he doesn’t notice the stuff they’re posting online. He does notice. Sometimes he wonders if Shawn sees the comments, too, but he hasn’t found the courage to bring it up yet.

Shawn places the boxes on the coffee table and then disappears into the kitchen to get two plates and some extra bottles of Nando’s sauce that Niall has stashed in his fridge. When he returns to the living room and sees Niall struggle to open the damn boxes, he bats his hand away with such a kind, beautiful smile on his full lips that Niall can’t even bring himself to protest. Instead he watches Shawn opening the boxes and shoveling the food onto their plates, and let’s face it, it’s really fucking hard to do that without drooling over the fact how bloody _big_ his hands are.

They eat in silence while _Friends_ keeps playing on the screen. It has to be shortly after the episode where Niall has left off last week (yes, he’s fallen asleep on the couch while watching it, he was exhausted, it happens!), somewhere during season 5, because Monica and Chandler are still sneaking around to have sex without their friends knowing, and Joey who does know is getting sick of having to keep it a secret as well and cover for them all the time.

“I like them. I know that not everybody would agree with me on this, but in my opinion they’re way better together than Ross and Rachel,” Shawn interrupts the silence between them, just when Niall swallows yet another piece of chicken and Joey is being accused of leaving his dirty underwear in other people’s apartments. “Their relationship is just so adorable, don’t you think?”

“It is,” Niall agrees, taking a sip from his coke. “Sometimes I wonder which one of them I’d be, ya know.”

“Joey,” Shawn says without hesitation, his lips twitching suspiciously. “Minus the fact that he’s really not the brightest. I like him though, he’s a great friend, very loyal. And he’s always up for food, just like you.”

“I’m _not_ Joey,” Niall protests, but Shawn just shrugs in response while very obviously failing to suppress a grin.

“Women love him. Plus, he’s very charming. You’re _so_ Joey, don’t deny it.”

“Shut up,” Niall says, blushing furiously. He doesn’t want to talk about this, especially not with Shawn and especially not tonight. “You’re one to talk, Shawnie boy. You could have any girl you want.”

“Nah, I’m more of a Chandler, socially awkward and always terribly nervous around other people.”

“You’re not,” Niall says, although Shawn does have a point there, because usually he definitely tends to be more nervous than Niall about, well, basically _anything_. Just not tonight, it seems. “But it’s not bad, you know. Actually, Chandler happens to be my favourite character on the show.”

“Oh really?” Niall doesn’t even have to look at him, he can practically _hear_ Shawn smile, and it’s horribly messing with his emotions.

“Yeah. He’s got a good heart. And he’s funny. Not bad-looking either. I mean, of course he’s no _Joey_ ,” he can’t stop himself from teasing - mostly to protect his own poor heart that’s so utterly confused right now that it nearly breaks him.

Shawn’s laughter is almost drowning out Ross yelling at his boss for stealing his sandwich and throwing half of it away. Almost. “You know, speaking of Joey and Chandler,” he says, the corners of his eyes all crinkled up, “they have the best friendship in the history of television.”

Niall’s heart jumps and he can’t seem to think straight anymore - pun intended. “Yeah, they’re like an old married couple,” he blurts out, and then his eyes widen in shock and he almost chokes on air, because _what the fuck, he has not just said that_.

Shawn laughs again - and blushes, Niall is most certainly not imagining that and it catches him so off guard that he almost chokes again. “True. So, when are we moving to New York together and sharing an apartment with a chick and a duck?”

Niall forces himself to regain his confidence. He’s 25 years old, for God’s sake, he shouldn’t be acting like a teenager who’s being nervous around his first real crush. Besides, Shawn just fucking _blushed_ , and for some reason that’s exactly what finally calms Niall’s nerves a bit. “I don’t know, Shawnie,” he says with a wink, just because he wants to see Shawn blush even more, and bloody hell, it works. “I just don’t think it would be a good idea, the two of us living together with some birds.”

It seems to take Shawn a few seconds to get the joke behind the comment - although it isn’t even a joke to Niall at this point - and when he does, his reaction is definitely not what Niall has been expecting, because he fucking _giggles_ and looks so bloody beautiful and adorable and just _perfect_ , and Niall desperately wants to grab him and kiss the living hell out of him until they’re both breathless and have to gasp for air.

He can’t let that happen though, so he reaches for his chips and pops a handful of them into his mouth to stop himself from doing something very, very stupid. When Shawn just keeps staring at him, his eyes bright and his lips slightly parted, Niall almost begins to panic again, so he grabs another chip and dips it in his lemon and herb sauce before pushing it into his mouth as well.

“No, you’re right, that wouldn’t be appropriate,” Shawn says suddenly, and it’s so belated that it takes Niall a moment to connect it to the last part of their conversation. “However, Joey does bring quite a lot of women back to the apartment.”

His gaze is so intense that Niall almost forgets how to breathe. “Well, yeah, but I wouldn’t,” he all but whispers, a shiver running down his spine. What the fuck is happening here?!

Shawn sinks his teeth into his own lower lip and Niall has to look away because he is pretty sure that otherwise he wouldn’t be able to hold back a moan. “Good,” he hears Shawn’s voice that sounds a little hoarse all of a sudden. “Yeah, that’s … good to know.”

Niall has to bite back another moan. Shawn’s voice has always been one of his greatest weaknesses, and hearing it like this when they’re alone in a room and it’s all raspy and clearly directed at _him_ nearly causes him to lose all his self-control, or rather the very tiny part of it that’s still left.

He doesn’t know how it happens, but suddenly Shawn is even closer to him than before, leaning so far into his personal space that it doesn’t even exist anymore. Niall’s heart skips a beat, or maybe two or three, before toppling over and running off to God knows where. What the hell is Shawn doing, is he …?

“You, um, got a little …” Shawn is hesitating for a second but eventually reaches forward, his thumb grazing the corner of Niall’s mouth. Niall nearly passes out right then and there, because _what the fuck_?! “Lemon and herb,” Shawn adds with a laugh that sounds even more breathless than Niall feels right now, pulling back his hand and slowly backing out of Niall’s personal space again. “Don’t worry, I think I got all of it. I mean, I’m, uh. I’m gonna … wash that off. In the kitchen.” And then he jumps off of the couch and stumbles towards the kitchen door.

Niall is staring after him, completely taken aback. What has just happened here? Why has Shawn run off like this? And why has he looked more nervous than Niall’s ever seen him before? Okay, Horan, take a deep breath and _calm the fuck down_. Is he reading too much into this? It’s Shawn Mendes, after all, the guy who has written an entire song about this particular state of emotion - wondering if he easily gets nervous would be like wondering if Niall is Irish.

So, Niall knows that it is not a big deal. He should probably be more worried about his own behaviour and the fact that for a split second he’s actually hoped that Shawn would lean in and ... _kiss him_. And he knows this wish is stupid and ridiculous and one that will most likely never come true, but when Shawn returns two minutes later with a rosy blush so very visible on his cheeks, Niall can’t help but wonder - what if it actually does mean something this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you think? Does it mean something? ;)
> 
> Hope you're all having a great week! The next update's coming soon!


	3. Darling, I wanna see every inch of you ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, I think this new chapter is one of my favourite ones.  
> Why? Well, let's just say, writing it made me laugh a lot. ;D
> 
> I took the title from Shawn's song "Lights On", which I personally absolutely LOVE. <3

Niall wakes up earlier than usual the next morning and isn’t exactly sure why, but he’s still half-asleep and doesn’t really care about it. After having a wee he considers throwing on some clothes but eventually decides against it in favour of giving his growling stomach what it wants, so he grabs his phone from the nightstand and makes his way downstairs, just wearing his boxers that are admittedly a bit tight. It’s been a while since he’s done his laundry, he’s left with his least favourite pairs of underwear at this point, the ones you only wear if you don’t have a choice anymore.

It isn’t until the smell of coffee hits his nostrils that he realises he’s not alone in his house, and when he does, it’s too late to turn around and get back upstairs to at least put on some sweatpants and a t-Shirt - because he has already reached the kitchen door which is standing wide open.

“Um,” he says, his voice still a bit hoarse and thick with sleep, while he watches Shawn spin around where he is standing in front of the kitchen cabinets, “I’m sorry, I … kind of forgot you were here?”

He can see Shawn stare at him for a second and then slowly lower his gaze, and that’s the moment when they both start blushing furiously. Usually Niall wouldn’t, because he’s spent five years on the road with a band that isn’t exactly known for their boundaries and that being said, Niall has also gotten quite confident with his own body. But it’s _Shawn_ who is seeing him like this now, and no matter how many unspoken rules Niall and the other boys have broken during their time with One Direction - this feels different.

“Uh, hi,” Shawn replies with a voice that doesn’t seem to belong to him - and yes, Niall’s cheeks feel very warm right now, but it’s nothing compared to Shawn’s face that looks like it’s _burning_. “Sorry for snooping around in your kitchen, I was getting hungry and was about to make us some breakfast … You want some coffee?” he adds quickly, taking a large step back while already turning towards the coffee machine behind him. Niall’s eyes widen in shock and he opens his mouth to belt out a warning, but it’s too late and half a second later Shawn’s face is crashing right into the wooden cabinet door.

“Oh my God!” Niall practically yells while jumping towards him to help. “Are you okay??”

It’s honestly the most idiotic question of all times, because Shawn really does not look like he’s okay. He’s stumbling against the kitchen counter, a chain of swear words leaving his pretty mouth while his hands are desperately attempting to find something to hold onto. Luckily Niall, who has never moved faster in his life, is beside him just in time to hold him upright - which isn’t an easy thing to do with just one hand, but he can’t just let his friend collapse to the floor and hurt himself even more!

“Shit, that fucking hurts,” Shawn grunts out right on cue.

Niall feels so bloody sorry for him, especially since he knows exactly what it’s like to almost knock yourself out. He’s hit himself in the face with a bloody basketball once, for God’s sake! And it’s been years, but the internet never forgets … “At least nobody’s got you on tape,” he can’t stop himself from mumbling, and before he can even apologise for that stupid ass comment, he hears Shawn actually huff out a laugh.

“Yeah, and at least it wasn’t a basketball.” Shawn’s face is still crunched up with pain but there’s a tiny little spark in his eyes, clearly teasing him. Niall will never understand how this incredibly sweet guy can throw so much sass around at times, and how even in interviews he always seems to get away with it.

It’s probably because he still looks and sounds like a fucking gentleman while doing it. Seriously, sometimes Niall just can’t deal with how bloody adorable this full-grown man is.

“Careful, Mendes,” he warns, not sounding threatening at all, at which the teasing sparkle in Shawn’s eyes only increases. “There are a lot of knives in this kitchen. Next time I’m using one I might stab another hand than my own.”

“Get over yourself, Horan, you would never hurt me,” Shawn shoots back, which is admittedly very true, and then he flinches and groans in pain, “Fuck, speaking of hurting, this is getting really bad.”

It’s almost scary how fast Niall’s protective mode kicks in again, and without another word he puts his arm around Shawn’s waist and steers him out of the kitchen and into the living room. Somehow he has completely forgotten that most of his body is _naked_ right now, and when he finally realises it he absolutely refuses to let things become awkward again. This is not the time to be embarrassed, he has to make sure the other boy is going to be okay!

“Lie down,” he commands in an unusually stern voice while guiding him towards the couch. “Then stay there, I’ll get you some ice.”

“But your hand,” Shawn protests as he’s practically being shoved onto the cushions.

Niall just shakes his head before sprinting back to the kitchen. It takes him longer than usual to rummage through the freezer and eventually find an ice pack, but he manages. He’s actually becoming better at doing stuff with only one hand, even if it’s still terribly annoying. There are also some things he can’t do at all, like tying his bloody shoes for example, but it doesn’t feel so horrible now that Shawn is here to help him out.

Of course right now it’s Shawn who needs to be taken care of, so Niall hurriedly returns to the living room where his friend is lying on the couch with his eyes tightly squeezed shut and a bruise the size of Greater London already beginning to form on the left side of his face. “That doesn’t look so good,” Niall blurts out the second he comes to a halt in front of him, frowning a little. “Do you want me to call a doctor?”

Shawn cracks one eye open and huffs out a small, humourless laugh. “Are you crazy? I’m not dying - well, I might pass out at some point if it keeps hurting that much, but that’s it. Did you get the ice?”

“Yeah, ‘course.” Niall has to fumble around for a couple seconds before managing to wrap the small towel he’s grabbed in the kitchen around the ice pack, and then he is gently placing it on the red, swollen blotch on Shawn’s cheek. “There you go,” he says softly, his voice almost a whisper.

Shawn is glancing up at him for a moment before all but hastily looking away again, and Niall’s stupid heart does a backflip in his chest. He knows that facial expression, has witnessed it with two of his bandmates a million times during all those years together. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Shawn had just looked at him with _fondness_ in his beautiful brown eyes.

It can’t be though. Or can it? _We’re not Harry and Louis_ , he reminds himself, _this has to be platonic_. Is there even such a thing as platonic fondness? Probably, but this hasn’t felt like it. It’s felt more like -

“Thanks, man,” Shawn interrupts his thoughts, clearing his throat afterwards. It sounds so loud to Niall’s ears that it actually startles him.

“Yeah, no problem,” he shrugs with a smile that somehow feels too small on his lips before taking a step back and carefully sitting down on the edge of the coffee table. “Just don’t do any other stupid things while you’re here.”

“Hey, it was your fault!” Shawn grumbles back accusingly. Then he seems to realise what he’s just said, because suddenly his eyes are filled with what appears to be panic. “I mean, uh, I, well …”

Niall forces himself to keep breathing. He _knows_ what Shawn means, and being reminded of it really doesn’t help much to hold on to the remaining bits of his self-control. A part of him wants to just throw it all away and dive right into this complete mess by challenging Shawn to say it, to say it out loud, ‘ _I got distracted because I saw you almost naked’_.

But then there’s this other part. The part that tells him to keep his mouth shut and not risk the amazing friendship they have, just because he is _assuming_ things that probably mean nothing. It’s the voice of reason and Niall is usually not very good at listening to it, but this time he does. Yes, Shawn did get distracted when he saw him standing at the door in nothing but a pair of tight black underwear, that’s for sure. But it doesn’t have to mean that he’s _interested_ in Niall or even has _feelings_ for him. Because let’s face it, there are plenty of men that Niall himself finds attractive and would stare at in a situation like this. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean he would want to get involved with them.

So. Things could get really, really awkward between the two of them if he says something wrong now. Niall doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to ruin it all by blurting out a suggestive comment. And so he doesn’t.

“Yeah you’re right, it was my fault,” he hears himself retort and even manages to add a little laugh. After almost a decade in the music industry, he sure knows how to pretend. “I mean, I really shouldn’t have picked these cabinets for my kitchen in the first place - they’re made out of wood, what was I thinking? Next time I buy a house I’ll choose something softer - bubble wrap or candy cotton, something like that.”

He’s sounding ridiculous, but that’s exactly the point here. And Shawn gratefully takes the opportunity he’s given, replying with a serious face, “Bubble wrap sounds good. I’m not too sure about the candy cotton though, you’d probably just start eating your furniture.”

Niall lets out a laugh at that - a real, honest one this time. Oh thank God, they are okay, this is already feeling a lot less awkward. “Might happen. Speaking of food, how about breakfast?”

“Sure,” Shawn agrees - and there it is, his beautiful smile that causes Niall’s heart to jump a little every time he sees it. “I’ll make us some in a minute.”

“You don’t have to do that, you just hit your head,” Niall protests immediately.

“Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot,” Shawn says dryly, but he’s grinning. “Seriously though, I’ll be fine, I can do it. It’s not like I only have one hand that I can use,” he adds, clearly teasing.

Niall almost sticks out his tongue at him. Almost. It’s just so much better and easier to fall back into their usual banter than actually acknowledge that maybe this whole situation could have gone another way. “Shut up, Mendes, my left hand is perfectly fine.”

“So was your right hand before you decided to stab it. I’m not letting you anywhere near that kitchen.”

“Thanks, Mum.”

“Oh come on!”

Niall barks out a laugh. “Seriously, Shawnie, your concern is really touching but I can make my own food.”

“No you can’t,” Shawn says, bringing his upper body into an upright position and throwing the towel and ice pack into Niall’s lap. It’s not until then that Niall realises something - oh, _right_ , he is still half naked!

“Fiiine,” he fake whines, curving his lips into a pout. “But I really think you should go and see a doctor later.”

Shawn shakes his head no. “It’ll bruise, that’s all. It’s not even the first time that this has happened to me this year, remember?”

Of fucking course he remembers. He also remembers how he nearly choked when he saw that [picture](https://www.instagram.com/p/BnnYoAPgiTS/) Shawn posted from a performance shortly after, and that he couldn’t stop thinking about it for days because it was so bloody hot, especially in black and white. Oh God, and now Shawn is going to look like that again while being _here_ with him for _days_. Fuck.

He suddenly realises that Shawn is looking at him expectantly and, oh, he hasn’t answered his question yet, has he? Trying his best not to blush, Niall audibly clears his throat and shrugs as nonchalantly as possible, „Yeah, I remember. Although falling off a scooter sounds at least a bit more badass than hitting your head in the kitchen, ya know.“

„At least I didn’t almost chop my entire hand off,“ Shawn fires back with a grin that makes Niall wish he could just leap forward and steal it from his mouth with his own lips. 

He can’t. He shouldn’t. He is supposed to just laugh and say something equally witty back, but he can’t come up with anything for the life of him.

“Looks like I won this round,” Shawn teases. And then, thank God, he is turning around and heading straight to the kitchen. Niall has most likely never been more relieved in the entirety of his existence.

“Fine, but look out for those cabinet doors, they might still be after you!” he manages to shout eventually, which is admittedly not his greatest comeback, but at least it’s _something_. It’s definitely better than dead silence, even though it’s so horribly belated that he can hear Shawn snort loudly all the way from the kitchen.

Shit, even that noise sounds adorable coming from him. Niall isn’t sure how he’s supposed to survive the next couple days, and he doesn’t feel any wiser when he’s sneaking into the kitchen ten minutes later, wearing actual clothes this time and also one of his snapbacks to hide the fact that his hair looks absolutely dreadful. It’s not like Shawn hasn’t already seen it, but Niall kind of hopes he hasn’t actually noticed. There have been plenty other parts of his body to look at, after all.

He needs a shower, but he can do that later, he decides. It will take him ages to wash his hair when one of his hands is useless, and he really doesn’t want to wait for breakfast any longer. He is _starving_.

“Hey Shawnie,” he says, his voice steady but his heart stuttering a bit as he watches his friend stand at the stove. He looks insanely beautiful, even when he’s just wearing sweatpants and a worn-out jumper, and when he turns around with his hair still all messed up and a soft smile on his lips, it suddenly hits Niall how _young_ Shawn actually is.

He’s only 20 years old, for God’s sake. Somehow Niall keeps forgetting that they’re five fucking years apart. Oh well, at least he’s legal in _some_ countries …

“You know, I think you’re the only one who calls me that.” Shawn looks at him with bright, sparkling eyes and honestly, as long as he’s doing that people won’t even notice that half of his face is bruised. It’s so mesmerising that for a moment there, Niall nearly forgets how to breathe.

“I can stop doing it if you don’t like it,“ he mumbles eventually, but Shawn immediately shakes his head in protest.

“No, it’s okay, I do like it. So, uh. Breakfast is almost ready. I made eggs and bacon, hope that’s alright?“

“Yeah, of course.“ Niall can’t stop smiling now. Shit, he is so in love with him, it’s ridiculous. “Can I at least get the plates for ya? I can do that with one hand, ya know. Besides, you’ve had enough encounter with the cabinets for today.”

Shawn barks out a laugh so beautiful that Niall wants to catch it and put it right into his own soul. “You’re never going to let me forget that one, do you?“

“Probably not, but that’s what friends are for, so get used to it,“ Niall smirks at him while heading for one of the cabinets to get their plates.

The food smells delicious, and three minutes later they’re finally sitting at the kitchen table with their full plates in front of them. Niall dives right in, and he’s only on his second bite when he already can’t stop a small moan from slipping out of his mouth.

Shawn is watching him with an adorable grin on his bruised face. “Not too bad, eh?“

Niall shakes his head. “Not bad? It’s fantastic! The best scrambled eggs I’ve had in months, at least. Now I’m really glad you only hurt your pretty face and not your hands,” he chuckles, and it isn’t until he catches Shawn staring at him with wide brown eyes that he realises what exactly he’s just said out loud. Oh shit, he has called him _pretty_. Fuck.

“Um,” Shawn breathes out, and because Niall downright refuses to let this get awkward, he pulls himself together and just returns the look with raised eyebrows, “Yes, Mendes, what is it?”

Also, he may or may not be hoping to see Shawn get all flustered again. His wish comes true mere seconds later, that cute little blush is clearly visible despite the forming bruise covering most of Shawn‘s left cheek, and for what feels like the hundredth time today Niall almost gives in to the urge to risk it all and just bloody kiss him. Fuck, he wishes he could do that.

„Nothing,“ Shawn mumbles, clearing his throat and very obviously forcing his lips into what is most likely supposed to be a carefree smile, but his face has written NERVOUS all over it. In capital letters. Seriously, it couldn’t get any more obvious if track number two from his latest album would be playing in the background right now.

“Alright then,” Niall says in a light tone, his voice sounding slightly amused, and digs his fork back into the scrambled eggs on his plate. He can’t freak out now, he has to keep calm for his own sake. Fine, so Shawn‘s acting terribly nervous because he’s gotten a compliment, but honestly, what’s new? It doesn’t prove anything, does it?

“I’m just glad you like the food.” Shawn is clearing his throat one more time before shovelling some bacon into his mouth, probably to prevent himself from blabbering out another comment, and Niall can’t help the warm, fuzzy feeling that’s beginning to stir in his stomach.

“It’s great, Shawnie,” he says honestly, looking at him across the table with a big smile on his face. “Thank you, you’re the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you, I’m really happy you’re here with me.”

Shawn glances back at him. The smile that is now visibly tugging at the corners of his mouth is so pure and real that it makes Niall’s stupid heart dance around in never-ending circles. “Good, that makes two of us,” Shawn then says quietly, and after that they finish their breakfast in peaceful silence.

They never stop smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it!  
> The next chapter will be up in a week. In the meantime, leave me some kudos and comments? What was your favourite part?
> 
> Have a great weekend! xx


	4. I can feel the tension, we could cut it with a knife ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. ;)
> 
> Obviously, the title is from Shawn's song "Lost in Japan". :)

They’ve really planned on writing some tunes together after breakfast but somehow end up watching another half dozen episodes of _Friends_ instead, huddled together on the couch like the loved up couple they are not. They’re sitting so close that their bodies might as well be melting into each other, and Niall has his head rested against Shawn’s shoulder and his right hand propped up on a stash of pillows beside him to make the swelling go away faster.

Shawn, who has yet another ice pack pressed to the left side of his face but still refuses to see a doctor, insists at least once per episode that they should really stop after that one and finally start writing a song, because “otherwise people will never stop asking when we’re going to do a collab”. However, none of them is actually moving to switch off the telly, which is why they are still in the same position hours later when it’s already noon and Niall’s stomach has been grumbling for at least twenty minutes straight.

“I think I need to go to the bathroom,” Shawn says when they have made it to the second episode of season 6. On the screen, Chandler is about to tell Joey that he’s going to move out of their shared apartment to live with Monica, and Niall remembers very well how much Joey is going to tear up in that scene. Seriously, they should have switched it off at the end of season 5 - how are they supposed to stop now?!

“Yeah, me too,“ he sighs, not even moving an inch. “And I’m hungry. Plus, I really need to take a shower. I’m surprised you’re still breathing over there, I haven’t showered in three days.“

“I used to play hockey, remember? Trust me, you can get used to any kind of smell.“

“Charming. And I know, I’ve spent _years_ on a tour bus with four other guys.“

“See, and it’s just the two of us now. Shouldn’t be so horrible, eh?“ Shawn is softly nudging him, his lips turned up into a wide grin, which is so distractingly cute that Niall almost misses how Chandler is assuring Joey that “the minute Monica and I break up, I’m moving right back in with you”.

“What a beautiful friendship,” Shawn comments, still grinning, and then they’re both laughing as Joey exclaims “He is the best roommate ever!” before pushing Monica out of the way to drag Chandler into a bone-crushing hug.

“There, he said it - Chandler is the best roommate ever.” Shawn is giving Niall a meaningful look, his eyes sparkling like fireflies dancing in front of a string of fairy lights in a dark night. “What do you think, Niall?”

Honestly, Niall doesn’t even know how to answer that question. Is Shawn still talking about _Friends_ or is this supposed to be a hint at something else? He’s not talking about _himself_ , is he? No, that would be absolutely ridiculous, because why would he want to convince Niall what a great roommate he could be?

It’s starting to mess with Niall’s head again - even the thought of him and Shawn possibly sharing a home one day leaves him slightly dizzy. Sure, they’re good friends, but that doesn’t mean Shawn wants them to move in together. That’s crazy, it has to be some sort of a joke. Most days they’re not even on the same continent!

“I think we should stop watching this and finally write that song everyone’s waiting for,” he says eventually, not quite meeting Shawn’s eyes as he moves away from him and scrambles to his feet. “Maybe eat something first? I’ll just take a quick shower and then we can order something? Or we can check the freezer, there should be a couple things left in there.”

“Um, yeah,” Shawn replies after a moment of silence. “Sure, let‘s do that.“

“Okay. I’ll be back in a bit.“ Niall can feel the sudden tension, he could cut it with a knife - not that he is planning on actually using one anytime soon, it’s what got him in this mess in the first place, and to make things worse he‘s got one of Shawn‘s songs stuck in his head now. _I can feel the tension, we could cut it with a knife, I know it's more than just a friendship, I can hear you think I'm right ..._

Oh great, now he’s thinking about one of his favourite Shawn songs and the respective music video that’s killed him a couple dozen times already. To be honest, half of the views on this video are probably his own, and Niall is not particularly proud of it, but he just can’t help it. He doesn’t even know what’s worse, the bathrobe Shawn’s wearing in the video or that bloody suit, but the worst (and best) thing about it has definitely to be that fucking five seconds shower scene. It makes him suffer _every time_.

Speaking of shower, he has no idea if this is going to work, but he has to try. And he most certainly will not ask Shawn to lend him - quite literally - a hand, because that would make things even more awkward than they are right now. He cannot believe they keep going back and forth between being best buddies hanging out (and being able to easily ignore the fact that they’re sitting too close to each other in a totally non-platonic way) and being horribly embarrassed the next minute. It has to stop. They can’t keep doing this, it’s driving him absolutely crazy.

He is almost expecting Shawn to offer his help because it would be such a _Shawn thing_ to do, but it doesn’t happen and really, Niall knows that he should be glad about it, it’s just … he feels disappointed. He really shouldn’t though, as it would only lead to more awkwardness, and it’s probably exactly why Shawn has remained silent.

What is he supposed to say anyway? _“Hey Niall, are you sure you won’t need any help in the shower? You can use just one hand, after all. So, you‘ll clearly miss some spots, don’t you think?“_ Yeah right, like that’s going to happen …

Now that he’s thought of it even for a couple seconds, his mind can’t seem to forget about it while he is walking upstairs and into his bedroom. He curses quietly, trying his best to think of something else, _anything else_ , because no, he is definitely not going to get himself off to the images of his friend _again_ , especially not while said friend is still in the same fucking house.

He strips out of his shirt and grabs a plastic bag from the middle drawer of his nightstand, where he‘s put it along with several others two days before. There’s also some medical plaster tape in there and he’s fumbling for all but two minutes until he eventually manages to rip off the first piece. Oh this is going just _great_.

Somehow he’s imagined this to be easier. Slipping his right hand into the bag, he curses again. He can’t take a shower without some sort of protection for his hand, the doctor has explicitly told him that he can’t let the bandage get wet. So, this _has_ to work. However, he is struggling so much with the bloody tape that it ends up everywhere but on his arm. Oh _come on_.

“Fuck,” he hisses, louder than he’s meant to. Not that it matters, Shawn is not going to hear him all the way from downstairs and -

There is a knock on the door and then Niall hears the other boy’s slightly uneven voice from the hallway, “Are you alright, Niall?”

Niall feels relieved and frustrated at the same time. He looks down at his hand for a second and then decides he can’t do this on his own. “No I’m not,” he sighs loud enough for Shawn to hear. “Can you … come in for a minute? Please?”

The door swings open and Shawn walks in, asking with clear hesitation in his voice, “How can I help?“

Niall raises his right hand a little. “Can you just help me tape this bag to my arm so the bandage won’t get wet? I tried to do it myself but it’s more difficult than it seems …”

“Of course,” Shawn says, glancing at him with a soft smile that causes Niall’s heart to flutter excitedly in his chest. “You’re not alone in this, Niall, I’m happy to help you. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”

It’s another one of those moments where Niall almost kisses him, just because he knows he can’t take it much longer. Instead he just returns a brief smile before replying, “That’s really sweet of you, Shawnie. You’re such a great friend, I love -“ _Oh God, what is he doing??_ \- “Um, hanging out with you. Yeah. Spending time with you. It’s awesome.”

He can’t even look him in the eyes after this fucking outburst that’s almost turned into a bloody love confession. Oh shit, he’s nearly ruined it all, and his heart is beating so fast that he feels like he’s about to pass out any second.

“It’s fine, really,” Shawn mumbles back eventually and Niall doesn’t even realise how long the silence between them must have been lasting. “And, um, me too. I love … hanging out with you. - And by the way, I didn’t follow you upstairs or anything, I was just going to get my phone charger from the guestroom and that’s why I heard you curse in here, and I thought you might need some help with … taping a bag to your arm,“ he suddenly rambles so fast that it takes Niall a moment to process the words.

Shawn sort of looks like a lost puppy and that’s totally unacceptable to Niall. Shawn is not supposed to feel like that around him, like he owns him an explanation for what he’s doing. So Niall doesn’t even hesitate to tell him, “That’s alright, really. Don’t worry, Shawnie.”

“Okay,” Shawn says, a hint of a smile back on his face, tugging on his lips. Then he gets to work and carefully tapes the bag around Niall’s hand and forearm, and because he doesn’t seem fully convinced afterwards, he tapes a second bag over that one, just to be safe.

“Thanks,” Niall all but whispers. They’re definitely too close and he’s just been staring at Shawn’s beautiful face for _minutes_ \- shit, he has no control. At all.

“My pleasure.” Shawn glances at him, then retreats from where he’s been sitting beside Niall on the bed and kind of awkwardly stands in the middle of the room for a moment. The question “Can I help with anything else?” is clearly written all over his face, but for some reason he can’t seem to voice it.

“Um, alright,” Niall says, hesitating. “I’ll just … go in there now. I mean, I’ll be fine. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right?”

“Right,” Shawn echoes but then he’s audibly clearing his throat. “I could … wait here? Just in case you slip and hit your head or something …”

Niall bites down on his lower lip. “Okay. Thanks.” And to stop himself from blurting out something else, something stupid - something his lower brain would love to say, like _“Hey sexy, wanna join me in the shower and make out?”_ \- he practically sprints across the room and escapes into the ensuite, closing the door behind him.

Shit. One thing’s for sure: This is going to be a _cold_ shower.

He manages to wiggle out of the joggers and pants, letting them both drop to the floor. Then he reconsiders - what if he actually does slip and fall, what if Shawn actually has to come in and help him?! - and puts his underwear in the laundry basket instead.

He steps into the shower, pulling the glass door shut and praying that he’ll be able to do this on his own. He’s not sure he would survive this day if Shawn came in and saw him like this, _naked_. Maybe he should at least have left on his boxers, just in case … but it’s too late for regrets now.

As soon as the water hits the tiled floor, he tries to manoeuvre as much of his body underneath it as possible without getting his right arm soaked. After only a couple of seconds he switches it off again, moving towards the bottles of shampoo and shower gel in the corner and reaching for the shampoo first. He’s never realised how hard of a task the simplest things can be, but he does now, fumbling with the cap of the bottle for _minutes_ before accepting the fact that he just can’t do it. The cap seems kind of stuck, it’s a new bottle that hasn’t been opened yet, and he really doesn’t want to spend an hour in here, trying his hardest and failing anyway.

So he eventually steps out of the shower, putting the bottle down on the sink in order to get his towel and sling it around his waist. Then he moves across the room, the bottle of shampoo tightly gripped in his left hand, not even bothering about getting the entire floor wet, and pushes the door open.

Shawn is awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bed and mindlessly playing with his ring, which Niall catches him doing quite often, to be honest. When he sees Niall in the open doorway, he practically shoots up, the words quickly tumbling out of his mouth, “Do you need anything?”

Niall can’t stop a small sigh from slipping past his lips. “Actually, yeah … I can’t open the damn bottle.”

Shawn nods and slowly approaches him. It’s so obvious that he tries his hardest not to look too much at Niall’s body, and Niall really doesn’t get stressed out easily but this time, he does. He is so close to throwing caution to the wind and just asking Shawn why he is acting like this … If it means something, maybe something that would definitely be mutual …

“There you go,” Shawn says after opening the bottle for him and pushes it back into Niall’s hand.

Niall can’t help but clear his throat. “Thanks.” He doesn’t ask, of course not, because he is a fucking coward and would never forgive himself for ruining one of the best friendships he’s ever had.

“No problem.” Shawn clears his throat as well and then his lips are curling into an adorable little smile that seems to have a hint of challenge to it. “Anything else?”

Niall immediately panics. He’s about to say something he really shouldn’t, so he just shakes his head vigorously and takes a quick step back into the bathroom. Unfortunately, he doesn’t remember how slippery the tiles underneath his feet are and moves too fast - and a split second later he loses his balance and threatens to crash to the floor …

He stumbles but doesn’t fall, because suddenly there’s a pair of strong arms around him, saving him from tumbling to the ground and pulling him flush against a broad chest instead. As soon as Niall realises that Shawn must have jumped forward and caught him, and that he‘s now wrapped up in a tight hug that feels like it could last forever, he blushes harder than ever before.

“Um, thanks.” Well, great, this has to be the single most embarrassing moment of his life - and if it wasn’t bad enough already, he suddenly becomes awfully aware of the fact that something important is missing …

When it hits him what exactly it is, he nearly faints. Oh fuck. He’s pressed up against Shawn while being _completely naked_ , which means he must have lost the damn towel! Oh God, he is going to _die_ …

“You’re welcome … _ohh_ ,” Shawn gasps all of a sudden, his eyes widening incredulously. Great, so he’s noticed, too. How the fuck is Niall supposed to be able to look him in the eyes ever again?!

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Niall chokes out while squirming out of the embrace and stumbling two steps back. He realises belatedly that this might not have been the best thing to do, since he’s just given Shawn a free view of … well, basically _everything_.

“Um, you, I mean, uh,” Shawn stutters while his entire face is turning such a dark shade of red that it is more than obvious that he’s just seen it all. “I should … well …”

Niall bends down so quickly that he almost topples over. He grabs the towel from where it’s lying on the floor, right next to the shampoo bottle that he must have dropped as well, and holds it in front of himself so that at least his crotch will be covered. He should probably tie it around his waist again, but his hands are shaking so much that he doesn’t even bother trying it with just one hand.

“Really, I am so, so sorry,” he yelps. He might be overreacting here but he just can’t help it.

“It’s okay, Niall,” Shawn says, looking like he’s not even convinced himself. His face is so red that it has to explode any moment. “It’s not a big deal, eh? - I mean, not big as in … big. Um, that’s not what I meant when I said it wasn’t big, uh …”

He’s obviously horrified by his own words, and Niall sort of wants to pass out right there. He can’t handle it, it’s too much. Shawn Mendes has officially killed him. _Fuck_.

“I mean …” Shawn is glancing everywhere but at Niall. “I mean, you’ve spent years on a tour bus with four other dudes, you must have … well. Gotten used to good friends seeing you naked?”

“It’s different,” Niall blurts out in a hysteric voice that he barely recognises as his own. “What happens in the band, stays in the band.” He doesn’t miss how Shawn’s eyes are slightly widening at that comment, so he hurriedly adds, “No, oh God, I didn’t mean it like _that_ ,” even though he kind of did. There is no straight member of One Direction, after all.

(He’s always been good at ignoring the fact that some of said members would probably disagree with him on that. It doesn’t matter, they’re wrong and he’s right. He’s _always_ been right about this, he’s neither stupid nor blind.)

“Okay, so …” Shawn is clearly attempting to laugh, but fails miserably. “How did you mean it then?” And because Niall just keeps staring at him with what is probably a look of utter helplessness, he quickly adds, “You know what, never mind, how about you just take that shower and afterwards we’re, um, writing that song?”

“Yeah,” Niall says, biting his lips so hard he can almost taste blood. “Yeah, sounds good, let’s do that.” And before Shawn can even react to his words, Niall takes a step forward and closes the door.

He was absolutely right earlier - he _is_ taking a cold shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ... what do you think? ;)


	5. I love you best when you’re just yourself …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you lovely people! Thank you sooo much for the kudos and especially the comments, they always make my day!
> 
> Enjoy the new chapter - the title is from Niall's song "Since we're alone" (which they are, sooo ...^^).  
> Hope you'll like it!

Niall really doesn’t know how he manages to take a shower, wash his hair and put on some fresh clothes within half an hour, because it feels more like an eternity to him. At least the water has cooled him down a bit, he’s not _completely_ freaking out anymore. He’s just going to act like nothing has happened and Shawn will hopefully do the same. They can totally ignore the whole thing, right?

Shawn is in the kitchen when Niall comes downstairs, and to Niall’s great surprise he is wearing an apron and shovelling food onto two plates. He has a look of pure concentration on his face that is somehow so insanely cute that Niall can just stand there and stare at him for a bit.

Then Shawn lifts his head and glances towards the door, and when he sees Niall stand there his lips are instantly curling into a hesitant little smile. “Hey,“ he says, putting the spatula down on the counter and pushing that one strand of hair aside that keeps falling into his face all the time, which it probably just does to make Niall’s life miserable, to be honest. God, he wishes _he_ could be the one to touch it. “I found some stuff in the freezer and made us lunch, hope that’s alright?“

Shit, this boy is too adorable for this world, and Niall wants to keep him forever. “Of course,” he replies and can’t stop his lips from breaking into a smile as well. “That’s really nice of you, Shawn, but you didn’t have to do that.”

Shawn shrugs, his own smile growing wider. “It’s nothing. I just took it out of the freezer and put it in the oven, that’s basically all I can do without messing it up anyway.”

“Are you kidding me?” Niall blurts out while crossing the kitchen. “You made me some awesome breakfast this morning, and _this_ ,” he glances at the plates, “looks and smells delicious. Besides, I thought you liked cooking?”

“Well, yeah, I do enjoy it, but that doesn’t mean I’m very good at it.”

“I think you’re great.” He probably shouldn’t have said that, but oh well, he’s just being honest here. And it’s not like they haven’t complimented each other before - friends are allowed to do that and not feel embarrassed about it, after all, so his doubts can fuck right off.

“Thanks man,” Shawn says, a light blush forming on his cheeks, and bites his lips while turning his head away. Okay, so things still seem to be a tiny bit awkward between them, but it could be worse, right? They just have to ignore what’s happened upstairs and they’ll be fine … eventually.

“You couldn’t possibly have made that sauce in the oven,“ Niall states after they’ve sat down at the kitchen table and grabbed their forks. “So you made it yourself, right? Is it a secret recipe? It sure smells like one, too good to be shared with anyone.”

Shawn’s lips are twitching. “I found it in the freezer and microwaved it.”

“Huh,” Niall says in surprise. “Didn’t realise that was in there. To be honest I didn’t know about the carrots either.”

“They were the only vegetables I could find. I thought you liked cooking as well, why don’t you have more vegetables?”

“Because they’re vegetables?” Niall barks out one of his signature laughs at the downright horrified expression that’s just appeared on Shawn’s face.

“But they’re good for you!”

Niall just shrugs, failing at biting back a grin. “I’m just not a big fan.“

Shawn is still staring at him incredulously. “I can’t believe this,” he says in a scandalised voice that sounds way too endearing to Niall’s ears. “Niall Horan, you’re twenty-five, you need to start eating vegetables.”

“It’s not like I don’t eat them,” Niall protests, a fit of giggles escaping his throat. To prove his point, he pops one of the thinly sliced carrot pieces into his mouth and swallows it in one go. “I just don’t enjoy it that much. I do like tomatoes though,” he adds, his lips stretching into an even wider grin now. He knows how much Shawn despises those.

Just like he’s expected him to do, Shawn makes a face. “No way, they’re gross.”

Niall’s grin is turning into a smirk. He is absolutely loving this. “But they’re _good for you_ ,” he just can’t stop himself from mocking him.

Shawn gives him a look that’s presumably supposed to be a glare. It doesn’t work, he’s too cute. In fact, it looks like the most adorable pout in the history of mankind. 

“Sorry, Shawn, you just can’t pull it off,” Niall tells him bluntly. “Essence of innocence, remember?”

And just like that, Shawn is blushing a deep shade of red that makes him look even more adorable. Niall almost doesn’t manage to prevent this statement from slipping out of his mouth. Almost.

“Shut up and eat your carrots,” Shawn grumbles eventually, but his lips are twitching suspiciously.

Niall lets out a chuckle. “That would be a great name for a song.” His mouth is starting to hurt from how hard he’s been grinning for the past two minutes, but he doesn’t even care. It’s so, so good to be like this with Shawn. He loves it more than anything else.

Shawn bursts into laughter, the corners of his eyes all crinkled up and dimples on full display. “Catchy,” he says eventually, still laughing. “I don’t think the fans would approve though. I’m sure they want something else.”

Niall snorts at that. “Yeah? What do you think they want?”

“Well … something deep, meaningful?”

“I don’t know, Shawn,” Niall says, pretending to be seriously thinking about it. “I just have a feeling they would love a duet about the importance of carrots and tomatoes. Maybe throw in a line about broccoli and what a pretty shade of green it is. It’s our favourite colour, after all.”

“You’re an idiot,” Shawn retorts seemingly unfazed, but there’s a sparkle in his eyes that could easily be mistaken for pure fondness. Niall has to lower his gaze in order to not drown in it.

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us,” he mumbles with a stupid smile on his lips that is definitely not supposed to be there. “That’s why we‘re such good friends, isn’t it?“

“Probably, yeah.“ Shawn is smiling, too - Niall can hear it in his voice. And while they’re finishing their meal in comfortable silence, Niall thinks that it really doesn’t matter what the song will be about, because it’s him and Shawn and no matter what, they’re great together.

***  


They don’t write about food, although Niall almost considers it for a second when they’re sitting in the living room after lunch and clearing out two bowls of ice cream. Having to watch Shawn eat dessert should be illegal, because it’s a crime in itself how badly Niall wants to be the little spoon he’s holding - pun intended. Also, Shawn keeps licking his lips, making them all wet and shiny, and Niall has never seen anything prettier in his life.

“Let’s go to the music room, that will keep us from watching more television,” Shawn suggests when he’s finished his portion.

Niall looks down at his own bowl, only now realising that half of his dessert has melted into a puddle while he’s been too busy admiring the art that is Shawn Mendes eating ice cream. Shit, he just hopes Shawn hasn’t noticed.

“Yeah, great idea,” he agrees, quickly spooning up the liquid.

Shawn takes their empty bowls to the kitchen while Niall is already making his way to the music room. He’s sitting down on the piano stool, mindlessly playing a few melodies with just his left hand until Shawn joins him in the room and picks up one of the guitars.

“So,” the younger boy says with a genuine smile. “Since we can’t actually write about vegetables, what should we go for instead?”

Niall can’t stop himself from giggling. “Salad?”

“Hey, I’m trying to be serious here!” Shawn fake-groans, although his lips are already twitching again.

“Yeah, good luck with that,” Niall retorts dryly while walking towards the couch Shawn’s sitting on, and then he slumps down beside him and tries to ignore the fact that their knees are nearly touching. “We can’t even remain serious for one bloody minute, so I think we should write a fun song.“

Shawn raises an eyebrow at him, a teasing grin forming on his lips. “No offence, Niall, but aren’t fun songs supposed to be written by fun people?”

Instead of pretending to be offended by his joke, Niall decides to just turn the tables on him. “Awww, Shawnie,” he purrs, leaning even closer towards him and actually pinching his cheek - the one that isn’t covered with a gigantic bruise. “But you _are_ fun.”

Shawn looks taken aback for a second, then he barks out a laugh. “I should’ve known better than to mess with you, eh?”

“Yeah,” Niall says with a chuckle, not missing the light blush that’s creeping up into Shawn’s face. It makes him want to pinch him again, because let’s be honest here, there is nothing more beautiful than Shawn Mendes with pink tinted cheeks. If Niall can make it happen by touching him, he definitely should.

Except that he really shouldn’t, because he can’t risk to drag them both into another awkward situation. At some point they probably won’t be able to brush it off as a joke anymore and Niall downright refuses to let it get this far.

“So,” Shawn says, clearing his throat. “No more messing around, let’s write that song. You’re probably right, it should be something fun.”

“Maybe about a fun friendship?” Niall suggests, already leaning forward to grab a pen and a sheet of paper from the table in front of them.

Now it’s Shawn’s turn to chuckle. “Fun friendship, huh? Well, that shouldn’t be too difficult to write …”

He’s wrong, it’s fucking hard for some reason. They attempt to make a list of words they could use for about half an hour before giving up on it and trying to come up with the music instead, but that doesn’t seem to work either. After only one hour and no results whatsoever, Niall can’t take it anymore.

“Shit, we’re boring,” he complains with a dry laugh that basically screams frustration. “Maybe we should consider writing a sad song? It’s probably easier than this.”

“I don’t want to write a sad song with you,” Shawn protests immediately, but he looks quite frustrated as well. “And we’re not boring!”

“Yes we are, that’s why we can’t come up with anything. We can’t just sing about ditching aftershow parties and watching movies instead, that’s pathetic.”

“No it’s not.”

“Oh come on, nobody wants to hear about that.”

Shawn’s lips are twitching up into a little grin. “Well, you could write about playing golf, _Grandpa_.”

“Heeey,” Niall says just offended enough to lightly smack Shawn’s shoulder. And because Shawn’s grin is only getting wider after that, he can’t stop himself from teasing right back, “If it’s about _you_ playing golf, it will definitely be a sad song, Mendes. I’ve seen you play, you suck.”

Shawn doesn’t even hesitate before firing back. “I’m not good at it because unlike other people in this very room I’m just not _old_ yet.”

Shit, they’re back at it, bickering like a fucking married couple. Niall could spend the rest of his life doing just that, to be honest. It would also make a fantastic song, but he can’t possibly tell Shawn that, so he just raises an eyebrow at him instead, “Careful, Mendes. If you keep insulting me like that, I won’t buy you beer the next time we’re in LA together.”

Shawn lets out a shocked gasp with a slightly outraged tone that sounds at least partly real. “Wow, Niall,” he says while clutching the spot right above his heart. “That really hurts.”

“Good,” Niall retorts without hesitation and throws a big fat smirk right into his face. “At least you’ll have something to write about, then. Sooner or later you’d have to grow up anyway - better you realise now what a _horrible_ world we live in.”

Shawn looks at him like a lost puppy, his dark brown eyes big and full of sadness. He’s clearly pretending, but he’s doing it so convincingly that he almost makes Niall feel a bit guilty about his choice of words. Dammit, that boy’s always got him wrapped around his little finger way too easily!

“Go ahead, break my heart,” Shawn sniffles, wiping away a non-existent tear. “I guess it’s going to be a song called _Ruined the friendship_ , eh?”

Niall almost chokes. Fuck, that comment is the absolute _worst_ , implying so many things he really shouldn’t be thinking about right now. Why on earth does Shawn have to be so bloody innocent?! Or … could it be that he’s phrased it like that on purpose? No, it can’t be, it really can’t. _Essence of innocence_ , remember?

“Trust me,” he says, barely managing to keep his voice steady and therefore trying to hide it behind a ridiculously loud snort, “it’s gonna take a lot more than that to actually offend me enough to end a friendship.”

“Really? Like what?” Shawn’s lips are still swirled into what has to be the most pitiful pout Niall has ever seen, but at the same time one of his eyebrows is shooting up in such a downright sassy manner that Niall can’t help but burst into a hysterical fit of laughter.

“I mean,” he manages to get out eventually, still cracking up, “keep trash talking my favourite sport and I might consider never talking to you again.”

“It’s not a sport, and you wouldn’t,” Shawn claims without hesitation. His pout is turning into a cute little smile now and - shit, Niall is totally whipped.

“Um first of all, it definitely is. Regarding the other thing - you’re probably right about that one, I could never not be your friend,” he admits, adding a small fake-exhausted sigh to his words. “I mean, it would be like abandoning a helpless baby animal after picking it up at the shelter and teaching it how not to stumble into the nearest wall.”

And just like that, the pout on the most tempting pair of lips on planet earth is back. “Hey, I’m not a charity case!”

“S’ not what I said,” Niall grins.

“I’m not helpless,” Shawn insists further. “After all, _I’m_ not the one who almost chopped their hand off!”

“Oh _come on_ ,“ Niall all but whines, slapping playfully at Shawn‘s broad chest. “It wasn’t that bad. Besides, it could have happened to anybody.“

“Oh yeah, sure,“ Shawn says, and now he is the one who’s grinning. “Everyone I know has lost a finger at least once while making dinner. It’s totally common for people to do that.”

“Shut up, Mendes. You know what, I’m calling the song _Killed him ‘cause he was fucking annoying_.”

“That’s a terrible name for a song,” Shawn states dryly, but his eyes are sparkling with joy. It’s good to see that he seems to be enjoying their stupid banter just as much as Niall does. “Besides, we’d have to write it first. I’m not so sure we can actually do it, I mean, look at us, we’re horrific at this.”

“No we’re not, we’re usually pretty good at it,” Niall protests, absolutely loving how his words cause an instant smile to appear on Shawn’s face. “We just … we need to clear our heads. I’ve been stuck inside the house for days and you’ve spent a lot of time at the airport and on the plane, I think we should get some fresh air. So, do you want to go for a quick walk around the neighbourhood?” he suggests.

Shawn’s smile is visibly faltering. “Um, I … I don’t know. I’d rather just stay here? Or we could sit in the backyard for a couple minutes?”

A surprised laugh bubbles up in Niall’s throat. “Shawn, don’t be ridiculous, it’s _December_ and we’re in _London_. We’re gonna freeze to death if we just sit outside without moving.”

“I brought a warm jacket,” Shawn murmurs with a little shrug. His voice sounds strangely serious and Niall can’t help but wonder if something he’s said has caused it.

“Weren’t you in LA? Why do you have a warm jacket there?” is the only thing he manages to get out, which is sort of stupid but he’s already beginning to panic, so common sense isn’t something he can work with right now.

Shawn gives another shrug. “I don’t, I bought it at the airport. Doesn’t matter though, I would have needed it for the charity event anyway. That’s gonna be outside, isn’t it?”

“I think so, but they’ll probably have tons of heaters and lights to keep the performing artists warm. And it’s not like you can’t go back inside after those three and a half minutes of _In My Blood_ ,” Niall says, still attempting to fight down the rising wave of panic that’s threatening to break free any moment. “Anyway,” he adds quickly, “you sure you don’t want to go for a walk?”

Shawn bites his lips, looking so torn that Niall’s about to doubt every single decision he’s ever made in his entire life. “I just … I’m not in the mood to have pictures taken of me,” he mumbles eventually and actually sounds apologetic about it. “I’m sorry, Niall.”

“I understand,” Niall assures him, and he really does. He totally gets it - he knows that feeling better than he likes to admit. Being rich and famous doesn’t necessarily stop people from being self-conscious about themselves - if anything, it makes it only worse. “But this is not LA, remember? In fact, I haven’t seen paparazzi outside my house in quite a while.”

“Even if there are no paparazzi, there are still other people who might recognise us,” Shawn retorts with a sigh.

“I know a route where I hardly ever get stopped by anyone. You can put on a hat, nobody will even look at you. Please?” Niall almost hates himself for trying to convince his friend who clearly doesn’t want to face the world today. Just because he himself desperately wants to get out of the house for an hour doesn’t mean he has the right to make Shawn feel guilty about it.

“Fiiine,” Shawn says, rolling his eyes in a slightly exaggerated way and nudging their shoulders together. “I’ll come with you. Can’t let you leave the house on your own, I guess. You might break your ankle while trying to cross the road or something.” He’s grinning at him now, but there’s something off about it this time, as if it’s not real - like he has to force himself to act a certain way instead of being his usual charmingly sassy and wonderful self around Niall.

It doesn’t feel right. In fact, suddenly everything seems to be _wrong_ , and Niall‘s heart feels like it’s about to break into a million little pieces.

Somehow he seems to have managed to mess things up, and he doesn’t have a clue how to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for ending the chapter like this, but it had to be done. xD
> 
> By the way, the entire situation with Shawn talking about vegetables was inspired by an interview he did, where he basically scolded two ladies for not eating vegetables. It cracked me up so much that I just had to include it in the story. :D
> 
> Oh, and have you seen the latest [Shiall video](http://leosmindpalace.tumblr.com/post/182559363763/)?? It made my day, I just love seeing them together!  
> (Also, yes that's my tumblr, follow me if you want!)
> 
> Have a great week everyone, see you soon!


	6. You're too good to be all mine ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, even though Shawn didn't win those well-deserved Grammys - how adorable was [Niall's tweet](https://twitter.com/NiallOfficial/status/1094092739598180352/) about him?! And his [Instagram post](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt1dhOpn4pn/) afterwards?!?
> 
> Also, the fact that he called him _Shawny boy_ , which he's done in this very story before - oh my God. I forgot how to breathe for a moment when I saw this. Now I will definitely make sure he's gonna call him that again in the next chapters!
> 
> Speaking of new chapters - I hope you'll enjoy this one! The title is from Niall's song "Seeing Blind".

_  
_

Maybe Niall hasn’t messed up as badly as he thought. At least Shawn doesn’t seem too upset once they’re finally outside, and after walking about ten minutes without speaking at all, Niall is happy to see Shawn’s smile - his _real_ smile this time, not a forced one - slowly return to his face.

“You were right, this is nice,” the younger boy says quietly, almost as if he’s scared to break the somehow comfortable silence. He looks great in his dark blue jacket and the grey beanie he’s borrowed from Niall’s wardrobe - but then again, he always looks good, so no surprise there. “I’m sorry I was acting so weird about it, it’s just …”

“You don’t have to apologise,” Niall interrupts him, his voice soft and his gaze as reassuring as possible. “I totally get why you hesitated. Been in the industry long enough myself to understand. Actually, I’m sorry, too. I know those days when you just don’t want to leave the house and face any people, and I should’ve respected that.”

Shawn gives a small nod, his genuine smile still sitting right there on his lips. “Thanks man, I appreciate that, but it’s alright. Sometimes I need to be reminded that it’s important to go outside anyway, so thank you,” he adds as an afterthought, chuckling lightly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong - sometimes it’s just as important to stay inside and be alone for a while. But right now, this is nice. No people around, just like you said. I could get used to this.”

Shit, Niall keeps forgetting how _young_ this guy is. When he was his age, he had four best friends who helped him deal with the fame and everything that comes with it - friends that were right there with him almost every single day, because they went through all of it together. He doesn’t think he could have done it without them. Hell, he can’t even imagine what it must be like for Shawn to do all this on his own - sure, he’s got a team full of people that are supposed to look after him, management and stylists and security guards and God knows who, but it’s just _not the same_.

“Would be nice sometimes, yeah?” Niall says quietly, glancing at Shawn to see the reaction to his words. “If people didn’t know you?”

Shawn returns his look with so much honesty in his eyes that it almost hurts Niall to look at him. “Yeah. I mean, I’m grateful for everything I have and I know there’s no going back now, but … yeah, sometimes I wish things had turned out differently. Sounds crazy, right?”

Niall doesn’t even hesitate for a second before he shakes his head no. “Doesn’t sounds crazy at all, Shawnie. I think it’s a very common thing, you know? It’s like in that song of yours … _Sometimes it all gets a little too much_. I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that, no matter if famous or not.”

Shawn can’t seem to help the slightly surprised look on his face. “Have you ever … thought about what it would be like if you had a more normal life? If people didn’t recognise you everywhere you go? If you could keep more things private? And if you could, like, work eight hours a day, five days a week, and then just go home and do whatever you want to do?”

“All the time,” Niall admits without hesitation. “Especially when we were still touring as a band and couldn’t even leave our hotel rooms at some places because it would have been too dangerous.”

Shawn shakes his head in disbelief. “Fuck, I used to think I was the only one who feels like that,” he says after a moment of silence, sounding sympathetic and relieved at the same time.

“You’re definitely not the only one.” Niall hasn’t planned on clarifying, but he can’t help it, he just feels like he has to tell him now. “To be honest, I had a few mental breakdowns during that time. I mean, I’m just not particularly good with crowds or small rooms, so that combination wasn’t always fun. I’m so thankful to be where I am today though, wouldn’t want to change it.”

They have stopped walking at some point and are just standing in the middle of the street now - which they probably shouldn’t be doing, even though it’s a really quiet road with no cars in sight. So Niall grabs Shawn’s arm and drags him towards the side of the road, and when they’ve stepped onto the pavement, they just keep looking at each other without voicing any thoughts for a while.

“I wouldn’t want to change it either,” Shawn all but whispers after a very long moment of silence, his lips turning into a little smile that is so _pure_ and _beautiful_ that Niall wants to leave it there forever but also sort of steal it at the same time. With his own mouth, preferably.

However, he just stands there and stupidly smiles back. “That’s good. Very good. Actually, if we weren’t where we are today, we wouldn’t know each other.”

Shawn’s smile grows bigger. “Nah, I would’ve found you anyway,” he says without missing a beat, and then he bites down on his lower lip and turns his head slightly away, as if to hide the rosy blush that’s suddenly shimmering very visible on his cheeks.

It’s probably just from the cold London air. Right?

“Well, I hope so,” is all Niall manages to get out as a response. He’s fucking glad he still remembers how to breathe properly, because _bloody hell_ , how is he supposed to remain calm right now? He’s probably reading too much into things, like he always tends to do, but he just can’t help it - his heart is beating a mile a minute and despite the low temperature outside he’s almost beginning to sweat.

“We should write about that,” Shawn says seemingly nonchalantly. “About a friendship that’s meant to be. The fans would love that, eh?”

“Um, yeah, sure,” Niall splutters while reminding himself to just _keep breathing_ and _not make this awkward under any circumstances_. “Let’s … go back then?” It’s a bad idea, but he can’t think of anything else to say that would be even remotely helpful right now. Shit. He needs to calm the fuck down!

“Alright,” Shawn agrees quickly, almost like he’s sensed the sudden tension that’s practically radiating off of Niall at this point. “It’s freezing cold anyway.” And that’s bullshit, because it’s really not _that cold_ today and Shawn has lived in fucking _Canada_ all his life, but Niall sure as hell isn’t going to point that out.

They’re walking back in complete silence, at least up to the moment when Niall feels something wet coming down on his face. It takes him longer than it should to realise that it’s actually started snowing, and when he finally does, he has a hard time not to curse out loud.

It’s not that he doesn’t like snow. In fact, he does - if he sees it in a romantic Christmas movie, where snowflakes are dancing around the air before settling down on pretty lampposts or twirling around the main characters’ happily laughing faces. As long as it stays in the movies, it’s fine - but now it’s happening in real life, while he’s roaming the London streets with the person he likes, hell, _loves_ more than anything in the world.

It’s just not fair. He’s always wanted a romantic snow scene in his life, and now stupid fate is mercilessly teasing him because he just can’t have it. It’s downright mean to do this to him, and as if it didn’t already cause him enough pain like this, fate seems to have decided to mock him even further now.

Because Shawn is standing right there, all tall and broad shoulders and rosy cheeks and shiny eyes, that infamous strand of hair slipping out underneath his borrowed hat, and he looks so genuinely happy that Niall wants to punch something, simply because it bloody hurts to see him like this and not be the reason for it.

“Niall, look! It’s snowing!” Shawn exclaims excitedly, like it isn’t already obvious. And then, because apparently fate isn’t done with torturing Niall yet, Shawn actually sticks his tongue out and fucking _giggles_ while attempting to catch some snowflakes with it.

This is the very moment Niall just gives up. Yes, so far he’s somehow been rational enough to remain self-controlled - well, more or less, but at least he’s managed to fight off the urge to grab Shawn and just kiss him right on his stupid mouth. He’s stayed strong on so many occasions, more than he can count actually, but it’s all coming to an end now. He can’t take it anymore.

So he shuts off his brain and takes two large steps towards his friend who has begun to swirl around and fill the air with the beautiful sound of laughter. Niall needs to kiss him right now and never stop.

“Shawn,” he hears himself say, his voice loud and clear.

Shawn is turning towards him, the corners of his eyes all crinkled up with joy and laughter. “This is beautiful, I love snow.”

Niall has never felt more brave in his entire life. “I love -” And he’s going to say _You, I love **you**_ and reach forward to cup his face with his left hand and finally kiss him …

But apparently fate is a stupid bitch, or at least a fucking coward that doesn’t want him to go anywhere near his newly found courage - because the next thing he knows is that he slips on the ground and loses his balance, and for the second time in only a couple hours he involuntarily stumbles right into Shawn’s open arms.

Shit, he really needs to stop doing that. Although he shouldn’t be complaining, because being wrapped up in Shawn’s strong arms feels fucking fantastic, and Niall’s pretty sure he could stay like this for the rest of his life. Also, this time he’s fully clothed, so there’s no way this situation can turn into a real embarrassment. Right?

“Sorry,” he mumbles into the crook of Shawn’s neck. The height difference between them is insane, but somehow it feels exactly right. “I slipped.”

A low chuckle escapes Shawn’s throat while his grip around Niall’s body is actually tightening. “Not for the first time, eh? Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’m just a bit concerned that it might happen again when I’m not there to catch you …”

This is it - the moment where Niall should slightly turn his head and press their lips together. Seriously, if this isn’t the one magical moment for it, what is? And he’s about to do it, to risk it all for just one kiss …

“Oh shit,” Shawn blurts out, right before Niall can move his lips towards Shawn’s ridiculously pretty mouth. He’s swaying a little, like he’s lost his balance himself now, and then he lets go off Niall and takes a small step back while glancing down to the ground.

“Um,” Niall breathes out, following his gaze with his own eyes. His heart is beating a mile a minute - bloody hell, he’s been so fucking close to actually _kissing_ Shawn, and the fact that he has been stopped from doing it in the very last second makes him feel a bit relieved but mostly just very frustrated. When he sees what’s prevented him from making his move, he just huffs out a noise that sounds like a strangled laugh - okay, it’s official: Fate wants to punish him. He doesn’t have a clue what for, but there’s simply no other explanation at this point.

“Oh hey there, buddy,” Shawn says, smiling down at the small dog that must have made him stumble and release Niall from his arms. Niall likes dogs but glares at this one anyway for possibly ruining the best moment of his life.

Or the worst, it really depends on how Shawn would have reacted.

“Oh no,” someone sighs behind them. They spin around, immediately spotting an elderly lady who’s standing there and looking utterly apologetic. “I am so sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt you. She just really likes to greet everyone she meets. ”

“That’s okay,” Shawn says, smiling even harder now. “She’s a very cute dog. Isn’t she, Niall?”

“Yeah,” Niall agrees, forcing himself to smile as well even though he kind of wants to keep glaring. But let’s face it - he can’t do that to a nice old lady. If he did, he would probably never be able to not feel guilty for the rest of his life.

“Well thank you,” said old lady replies, returning the smile without hesitation. She has very kind eyes, Niall can’t help but notice, and as she’s looking back and forth between him and Shawn, her expression turns even softer. “Again, I am very sorry that Peggy has interrupted you.”

Shawn lets out a beautiful little laugh and slings one arm around Niall’s shoulder. “No, really, don’t worry about it.” Niall wonders if he even realises that he’s basically pulled him into a hug, but he’s not going to question it. It feels way too good, and that old lady probably doesn’t even know who they are.

“Nevertheless, let me make it up to you,” the lady says after seeming to consider her next words for a moment. “Would you like me to take a picture of you? The street looks beautiful with all that snow coming down, it would be a really nice photo.”

Okay, Niall has definitely not expected that, and neither has Shawn, if the slightly bewildered look on his face is anything to go by. “Um, well,” Niall stutters while Shawn remains completely silent this time, “I mean … yeah, sure, if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” she assures him while he is already reaching into his pocket to grab his phone. It’s not until he’s pulled it out and opened the camera app that he begins to hesitate, and she immediately seems to sense it, “Oh, don’t worry, I know how to use those phones. My grandson keeps insisting on explaining technology to me every time he comes to visit.”

Niall can’t help but chuckle at that. “Oh, good.” He hands her his phone and puts on a genuine smile for the photo, not even realising that he’s instinctively nuzzling further into Shawn’s embrace.

The lady takes a few steps back, all while smiling with a sparkle in her eyes that can only be described as fondness. “Lovely,” she tells them after she’s done, returning the phone to Niall and glancing back and forth between them for what has to be the millionth time already. “You boys look very nice together. Actually, you remind me of my grandson and his boyfriend.”

For a couple of seconds, Niall is almost one hundred percent sure that he must have misheard. There’s no way she’s actually just said that last part, right? But then he hears Shawn make a choking noise that sounds like he’s having a panic attack, and the moment Shawn’s arm disappears from Niall’s shoulder he knows that he has indeed not been imagining things.

“We, um - no! We’re not … _that_. We’re just friends.” Shawn’s high-pitched voice sounds so terrified that Niall can almost feel his own heart breaking just from listening to it. He feels like Shawn has slapped him right in the face - and even though he hasn’t, it still fucking hurts.

Of course they are just friends. How utterly stupid of him to hope they could ever be more than just that! He really should’ve known better - but that’s not even the worst part about it. The worst part is that Shawn’s completely _panicked_. And that’s actually the thing that hurts the most. It’s like he’s downright _disgusted_ with the mere thought of Niall being more than a friend to him, and that feels like Niall has been stabbed with a knife all over again. Only this time, it’s not his hand that’s bleeding but his oh so stupid heart.

“Um, exactly. Just good friends.” Niall is struggling so much to keep his voice from breaking and his eyes from tearing up. He can’t let Shawn see how his words are affecting him, which is why he forces himself to choke out a laugh, being well aware that it’s sounding absolutely pathetic. “Thanks for taking the picture though, that was very nice of you.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to assume anything,” she says apologetically, but there’s a hint of something else in her voice that Niall can’t quite place. Something like a question that she doesn’t dare to ask. “Well, Peggy and I better head home now, we don’t want to miss our favourite TV show. Have a lovely evening, boys.”

Niall manages to send her a small smile. “Thank you. You too.”

After the lady and her dog have left, Niall and Shawn are surrounded by nothing but snow and heavy silence. It’s without any doubt the most uncomfortable silence they’ve ever had between them and Niall honestly doesn’t have a clue how they’re supposed to break it eventually. So he doesn’t even try and starts walking down the street instead, not even bothering to wait for Shawn and his mile long legs that are most likely capable of moving faster than his own anyway.

He hasn’t even finished that thought when Shawn’s already catching up to him, and it’s not like Niall has expected him not to - after all, where else is he supposed to go? But it doesn’t make things better, not even in the slightest, because the fact that Shawn keeps at least a three foot distance between them while finishing the walk home just adds up to the horrible pain Niall can’t seem to shake himself out of.

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. It had to be done. They will get their happy ending though - eventually. ;)
> 
> You can follow me on [tumblr](http://leosmindpalace.tumblr.com/), by the way. :)  
> And if you're looking for more to read, you might want to check out [this other story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16334144/chapters/38214275/) I'm working on. No Shiall there, but another “pretty good pair”. ;D


	7. Me and you, we were made to break …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry you guys had to wait this long for the new chapter; I finished it ages ago but real life got pretty intense and I completely forgot to post it.
> 
> Now that I'm sick and forced to stay home from work, I finally remembered, so here we go. The title is from Shawn's song "Perfectly Wrong".

Niall is pretty sure that this is the worst moment of his life, and he doesn’t have a clue how to deal with it. He’s finally found the courage to act on his emotions, screw all the doubts he’s had about it - and then that nice old lady has basically called them _boyfriends_ and Shawn’s denied it so horribly fast as if it was the worst assumption one could possibly make.

It hurts so, so much and also stirs something inside Niall that feels dangerously close to anger. Shawn could have denied it in another way, maybe with a laugh or simply matter-of-factly. He didn’t have to go and shatter Niall’s heart into tiny little pieces, and then literally keep a large distance while walking back to the house. It’s painful, and it’s just not fair.

It’s not how things work between them. They are supposed to be laughing and joking about it - it wouldn’t be easy for Niall, pretending he finds it funny, but it would still be so much better than _this_.

“So,” Shawn says the very moment the front door has fallen shut behind them, breaking the heavy silence between them, and it’s so sudden that it’s actually startling Niall a bit. “About that song we need to write …”

That’s it, Niall can’t hold it back anymore - that dangerous mix of heartbreak and anger is shooting up inside him like a hurricane, and before he knows it he is overtaken by his emotions and huffs out “We don’t need to write anything, Shawn,” in such a downright annoyed voice that it takes even himself by surprise. He almost feels guilty about it afterwards - but then again, this is clearly a bit of a self-preservation thing and he thinks that he at least deserves that. He can’t just burst into tears right in front of Shawn, no matter how heartbroken he might be, that’s simply unacceptable.

Shawn doesn’t answer right away. He’s just standing there and looking at him with dark, empty eyes, like he’s scared to react at all. And that’s when Niall‘s heart, which hurts for so many reasons already, breaks all over again. He can’t possibly survive seeing Shawn like this, _he’s in love with the guy, for God’s sake_ , and he’s about to open his mouth again and take his salty words back -

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” Shawn mumbles quietly and lowers his gaze. “But you’re right, we … we don’t need to do it. It doesn’t seem to work anyway, so maybe we should just … stop trying so hard and just … listen to music instead of writing it, or watch a movie, or talk about the charity event we’ll both be performing at … You’re still going to perform, right?”

“Yeah, they’re gonna find someone to play the guitar during my performance,” Niall replies slowly. He’s glad about the slight change of topic - sort of. But he also kind of wants to raise his voice and yell at Shawn for being such an idiot, because let’s face it - as much as he wants to, they can’t just pretend nothing happened. Not this time.

“Good.” Shawn clears his throat way too loudly for him to be even a tad confident at this very moment. “Let’s keep talking about that. I just … I’ll be right back, I’m just gonna call my parents for a minute. Just to make sure they’re okay and … yeah.” Without waiting for an answer, he turns around and bolts up the stairs.

Niall is staring after him for at least half a minute. His head is spinning and his heart keeps breaking, and he just doesn’t know what to do anymore. He’s never felt more helpless in his whole life - he wishes he could call someone, too. But he doesn’t do it, which is why eventually he finds himself sitting in his living room, hunched down in his favourite armchair, with his phone in his lap.

He can’t help but glance at their photo, even though he knows he shouldn’t. It’s too overwhelming, his emotions are killing him right now. Fuck, this picture is beautiful. Possibly the best picture that’s ever been taken of him, and bloody hell, they do look like a couple there. Niall just wishes it would mean as much to Shawn as it does to him. But it doesn’t, Shawn has made that very clear with his reaction to the old lady’s assumption. It’s just so fucking unfair.

Niall is sitting there for minutes, too caught up in his own thoughts to even hear Shawn’s footsteps when he’s eventually coming back and approaching him from behind. So when Niall suddenly hears Shawn audibly clear his throat, he’s startled so much that his heart almost skips a beat.

Shit, how long has Shawn been standing there? How long has he been watching him stare at their photo? Niall feels a wave of panic wash over him at the mere thought that Shawn has caught him doing that. How the fuck is he going to explain himself without making things even more awkward than they already are between them?!

“Um, you ... you’re not gonna post that, are you?” Niall has never heard Shawn’s voice sound so insecure before, and for some reason that’s exactly what finally makes him snap.

It’s either that or tearing up right in front of Shawn, and since the latter isn’t an acceptable option, Niall lets the feeling of anger take over once again. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” he says through gritted teeth, and before he can stop himself he’s tapping on the screen of his phone and pressing the delete button.

He hears Shawn make a strangled noise behind him that sounds like he can’t decide whether he should hold his breath or gasp for air. Niall can’t help it, he just has to turn around and see his face, and when he does, he’s met with a pair of wide brown eyes that’s staring at him in total disbelief.

“You … didn’t have to do that,” Shawn all but whispers eventually, and he looks so genuinely shocked that Niall feels himself getting even angrier - because it’s entirely Shawn’s fault that Niall has just deleted his favourite picture of all time, so Shawn doesn’t get to be the shocked one here. He can’t look at him like that and make _him_ feel guilty about it, that’s so not fair. 

Instead of yelling and glaring at him, which he kind of wants to do really badly, Niall turns his glance into a gaze cold as stone. “No big deal, Mendes. Wasn’t that good anyway,” he retorts in a voice that he doesn’t even recognise as his own. It’s restrained, but also ridiculously close to breaking.

Shawn opens his mouth, but nothing comes out at first. When he finally speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper. “Niall, I’m … I’m sorry if I did something wrong. Please don’t be mad at me.”

And just like that, Niall’s anger is gone, completely vanished into thin air, because Shawn is looking at him like a kicked puppy - and as much as Niall is hurting right now, he definitely can’t see Shawn being in pain as well. Suddenly he’s so full of guilt that he can’t seem to breathe properly anymore, because _it’s his fault that Shawn is looking at him like that, he’s responsible for this_. And that’s not something Niall can live with, it’s almost tearing him apart.

“You … you didn’t do anything wrong,” he hears himself mutter, although that’s a total lie. He still thinks that Shawn should have acted differently, but he tries his best to ignore that for now. “I’m not mad at you.” And there’s another lie, but oh well. “I don’t know why I … I mean, I guess I’m a bit of a mess at the moment, I’m still on antibiotics and painkillers and it’s just … it’s all been a bit too much lately …”

Oh God, he can’t believe his stupid brain has managed to come up with this bullshit excuse. But it actually does make sense, kind of. Maybe he can get out of this situation without ruining their friendship after all.

“Do you remember where I put the ibuprofen? I think I need another one,” he adds, which isn’t even a lie at this point. His hand is fine at the moment but his head is starting to hurt from all the drama they’ve put themselves in.

Shawn’s eyes are widening at his outburst. “Oh my God, Niall, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think of that! Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t realise you were still in pain, but of course you are, you had a fucking knife stuck in your hand and -”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Niall says quickly, forcing his lips into a tiny little smile. “Was my own fault, after all. Maybe you were right and I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a kitchen again.”

“Oh come on, it was an accident. Could have happened to anyone,” Shawn protests, which causes Niall’s lips to break into another smile. A real one this time.

“What, you’re not giving me shit for it anymore? What happened to you, did you forget how to mock me? Because that would be a real disappointment, Shawnie.”

He can see Shawn’s eyes light up at the nickname for just a second before his gaze is turning serious again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have made fun of you in the first place. I didn’t realise … I mean, I just tried to …”

“God, you’re such a dork,” Niall can’t stop himself from blurting out. He realises that it sounds way too endeared, but he just can’t help it. “Really, Shawn, don’t take this so seriously. Making fun of each other is what friends are for, yeah? Just help me find my painkillers and then let’s watch a movie or something, I’m exhausted.”

“Okay,” Shawn says quietly, offering him a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. So it’s still a bit awkward between them, but Niall is not going to complain, alright? At least their friendship still seems to exist, so he’s going to be grateful for that and deal with his broken heart later.

They settle down on the couch eventually, not particularly close but still not too far away from each other either. Niall is chugging down half a water bottle along with his painkillers while Shawn pulls up the movie they’ve decided on, and they spend the next two hours in an at least somehow comfortable silence while watching Peter Parker spectacularly fail to be _just the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man_.

“Hey, Shawn?” Niall says afterwards, his voice not as steady as he would like it to sound. For the past thirty minutes, he’s been debating whether he should ask his friend for help or not, and he’s still not entirely sure if he’s made the right decision. “Can I, um, ask you a favour?”

Shawn doesn’t even hesitate for a split second. “Of course. Anything for you.”

Shit, _anything_ can mean so, so many different things. However, Niall downright refuses to let his thoughts drift off into the unholy waters of his dirty mind. It’s not helpful, not in their current situation. “The doctors at the hospital told me to change the bandage after a few days. Would you mind, um ... helping me with that?”

Again, Shawn is quick to answer. And he is smiling now, which is definitely a good sign. “Of course I’ll help you.”

“Oh, good.” Niall breathes a sigh of relief, returning the smile. “Thanks, Shawnie, I really appreciate that. It might look a bit disgusting though.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve seen worse. I used to play hockey, remember? There was this one teammate who was absolutely useless on the ice, and he kept getting injured. Wasn’t pretty to watch, actually,” Shawn tells him with a grimace, but his lips are twitching suspiciously.

And Niall can’t help it, he feels himself being pulled back into their usual routine of friendly banter that he just loves so much, which is why his smile is turning into a teasing grin instantly. “Not sure if I believe you, Mendes. You don’t faint to the sight of blood, do you?”

“I’m offended, Horan,” Shawn shoots back without hesitation, crossing his arms over his unfairly broad chest while somehow his whole face is turning into a gigantic pout. He looks like an adorable kitten, to be honest, and Niall has to fight off the urge to voice that thought out loud. “I’ll have you know that I have never fainted to the sight of blood in my entire life. Besides, why would this even be relevant? There’s no blood underneath that bandage, right? I mean, you’ve got _stitches_.”

Niall is trying very hard not to laugh. He fails, of course, and Shawn’s pouting even harder now. “There might still be some dried blood. Not much though. Why are you concerned about it, Shawnie boy?”

“I’m not.” Shawn actually sticks out his tongue at him, which - okay, he really needs to stop doing that, it makes Niall _suffer_ every bloody time.

“Good,” he chokes out, feeling himself blush. “I’ll get the bag from the pharmacy, I think Li- um, I mean, I put it somewhere in the kitchen, I just … can’t remember where exactly,” he stutters, his eyes widening at his almost-revelation. Shit, that was close.

Luckily, Shawn doesn’t even seem to notice, being too busy taunting him mercilessly. “You can’t remember? Getting old, huh?””

“Shut up,” Niall says, because he simply can’t think of a better comeback at first. Belatedly, he adds, “At least I can get a drink wherever the fuck I want.”

Shawn is full-on grinning now, like they’re playing his favourite game and he knows exactly that he’s about to win it with his next move. “Sure, Grandpa. And by the time those old Irish bones of yours have made it back to your table, that drink has completely evaporated.”

Niall’s jaw drops to the floor. Sometimes he can’t believe this boy is real. _Essence of innocence, my ass_. “Stop being mean to me, I’m wounded!“

“Sorry,“ Shawn says, still grinning like an idiot.

Niall narrows his eyes at him and glares with what’s supposed to be pure accusation. “You don’t seem very sorry,” he complains, sulking like Shawn’s just insulted his whole family. Or, even worse, his entire _country_.

The younger boy snorts out a laugh that can probably be heard all the way to his home in Toronto. “I swear, I am.”

“Doesn’t look like it!” Niall argues back and tries to playfully kick him. Unfortunately, his foot misses Shawn’s leg and hits the coffee table with a loud thud instead.

“Maybe you should get your eyes checked,” Shawn teases while Niall is cursing like there’s no tomorrow. “It might also be the reason why you stabbed your own hand instead of your food, you know.”

Niall tries to ignore the pain for a second, just to huff out, “Oh you’re one to talk, Mister _I smashed my face into a cabinet cause I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going_.”

“That was different,” Shawn protests, and half a second later his eyes are widening in realisation and that stupidly gorgeous grin is wiped right off his lips.

“Oh _really_ ,” Niall can’t stop himself from retorting, the pain in his toes actually forgotten for a moment. Luckily for his own and Shawn’s sake, he can refrain from blurting out more, which would probably be something along the lines of _“You saw me in my underwear and got fucking distracted by it, just admit it, goddammit!”_ \- and, no, that is so not what he’s going to tell him. He can’t risk to almost ruin everything between them _again_.

Shawn is staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. “I, um … I mean, no, it’s not different, it’s exactly the same thing. So, about your bandage … I’ll get you that bag,” he stutters eventually. A dark shade of red is creeping up into his cheeks and for some reason, Niall feels slightly triumphant about it.

“Thanks, Shawnie boy,” he says with amusement clear in his voice, while Shawn is already shooting up from the couch and moving towards the kitchen. Niall knows that he should probably stop calling him that, but it’s kind of the perfect combination of fondness and teasing and he really, really likes it. If Shawn hates it, he can go ahead and tell him, right?

“You’re unbelievable,” he hears Shawn mutter under his breath. It doesn’t sound too bothered though, so Niall figures they’re fine. Maybe not as good as they used to be, but definitely better than he thought they would two and a half hours ago.

He listens to Shawn rummaging around in the kitchen for a bit and looking for the bag that contains the stuff they’ll be needing to change his bandage. After two minutes, he shouts “Found it yet?” to which Shawn sarcastically yells back, “Obviously, Nialler, that’s why I’m still in here!” and Niall’s heart begins to flutter in his chest. It’s been a while that Shawn has called him that, and it just sounds kind of nice in his voice. Niall definitely likes it.

“Need some help?” he offers, and despite Shawn declining he is about to get up from the couch to stroll over and find that bloody bag already …

And then he sees the screen of his phone, which he’s got on silent mode like most of the time, flashing up with an incoming call and it catches him a bit off guard, to be honest. It’s not like he’s never been called by _him_ before, but what could he possibly want from him?

He grabs the phone from the table and accepts the call. “Hey Corden, what’s up? Aren’t ya supposed to be working your lazy butt off right now?” And seriously, he loves that guy, but it’s just how things go between them. They’ve known each other for years during which they’ve become good friends, and talking to each other like that is the most natural thing in the world.

So when James remains silent for longer than ten seconds, Niall instinctively knows that something can’t be right. He’s about to ask him what it is, _“What’s wrong, Corden, you alright?”_ , but before he can voice it, he hears him talk after all.

“Niall, is that you?” He sounds more surprised than Niall’s ever heard him before. “Why are you answering this phone? Where is Shawn?”

It isn’t until then that Niall realises, oh _shit_ , this isn’t his own phone. It’s Shawn’s phone, for fuck’s sake, and he’s just gone and picked up a call from one of the greatest but also bloody nosiest people on this entire planet!

“Um, I, uh,” he stammers out, his mind going completely blank. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What is he supposed to say?! “He … he came for a visit?”

Again, James stays silent for a couple of seconds. Then he snorts out a laugh that sounds like he can’t believe what he’s just heard, but also like it’s not the most unexpected thing in the world. Niall sort of starts to panic, and he is so, so terribly confused …

“He came for a visit?” James chuckles. “Really? Because that’s not what he told _me_ when he called two days ago and explained to me that he was _so sorry_ he had to cancel his performance on the Late Late Show tonight …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ... what do you think? ;) Let me know! xx


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